I got dumped a couple weeks back, and I deserved it. Still, there’s nothing like going out with an incredible beauty who briefly thinks you’re cute and being happy and boring and interesting and domestic together and then, suddenly, finding yourself alone for the Holidays. Good thing I have no inner life, or I’d’ve felt sorry for myself. As things stood, I mostly worried about getting famous and making enough money to pay my mortgage and whether I was gonna climb or yoga or where I was gonna spend Christmas…and who I was gonna ask out, and then get dumped by, next.

And so, two weeks later, I find myself home alone tonight. Which is fine by me, in fact it’s snowy and windy outside but I’m all warm and cozy and just ordered Jalino’s with kalamata olives, whole wheat crust and provolone, hold the motz. I turn on my suddenly-huge TV and watch basketball. But the game ends, boring game anyway, Nuggets up by 20. So I surf a bit and wind up watching…The Lonely Guy, an early 80s flick with Steve Martin

It’s all about his ex-girlfriends and being lonely in NYC, a weak movie. So I turn it off, kicking my sleeping snoring dog to the floor. Well…I mean kicking him off the couch…and I walk aimlessly around my house, drink some water, come back to the couch, and decide to watch a movie—but the only Netflix I got is Toshiro Mifune, my childhood hero, as Musashi…and it’s great, but I’ve seen it five times too many over the course of my 34 years.

So, I can always work…and write a blog about aphrodisiacs? How depressing: sitting home alone at night, blogging about aphrodisiacs, which is a beeyatch of a word to spell. Now, the only aphrodisiac I’ve ever needed is 1) a beautiful woman and 2) me in the same room. We don’t even have to be getting along very well, which we usually aren’t, I’m a nightmare to go out with.

But maybe you’re 60 and you’re eco so you don’t do Viagra, is that who the below is for? Well, I’ll step aside and let you horny old codgers get to reading. 

Oh, and btw, the title’s meant in jest…follow the directions below, kids.

Go to the source…or read away:

According to folklore, natural aphrodisiacs may help to raise libido and increase desire. They’re being used by an increasing number of people to give their sex lives a boost. 

But some of them may cause side effects or interact with medications and others haven’t been proven. Here are the facts about 10 popular aphrodisiac herbs and supplements.

1 … Ginseng

Ginseng is one of the bestselling herbs in the United States. In much of Asia, ginseng is prized as a revitalizer for the whole body, partly due to the human-like shape of the root. For more information about ginseng, read the Ginseng Fact Sheet.

2 … Horny Goat Weed

According to folklore, horny goat weed’s reputed aphrodisiac qualities were discovered when a Chinese goat herder noticed increased sexual activity in his flock[ after they ingested the weed. For more information about horny goat weed, read the Horny Goat Weed Fact Sheet.

3 … Fo-Ti

Fo-ti is also called he shou wu, which means “black-haired Mr. He” in Chinese. This name refers to a legend of an older villager named Mr. He who took fo-ti and restored his black hair, youthful appearance and sexual vitality. For more information about fo-ti, read the Fo-Ti Fact Sheet.

4 … L-Arginine

L-arginine is not a herb but an amino acid that has numerous functions in the body. It has been used for erectile dysfunction and is often promoted as a Viagra alternative. For more information about L-arginine, read the L-Arginine Fact Sheet.

5 … Damiana

Damiana is a plant native to Mexico and the southern United States. It has been widely used as an aphrodisiac in Mexico for men and women. For more information about damiana, read the Damiana Fact Sheet.

6 … Tribulus Terrestris

Tribulus terrestris is a …read the rest, here.

7 … Tongkat Ali

Tongkat Ali is a tree native to Malaysia, Thailand, and Indonesia. It was dubbed the “Asian Viagra” in a …read the rest, here.

8 … Maca

According to folklore, ancient Incan warriors took maca before going off …read the rest, here.

9 … Muira Puama

Muira puama, also called...read the rest, here.

10 … Yohimbe

Yohimbe is an evergreen tree…read the rest here.