My nickname in high school used to be J. Crew, ’cause I lived in Vermont and there was nowhere much to shop…except out of the pages of J. Crew, which depicted the life I wanted: old money, relaxation, young friends, big houses, no parents. Love. A good, solid, clean, fun life. Simplicity.

I couldn’t find any early 90s catalogs, which I used to love to look through…they were like modern/retro depictions of F. Scott Fitzgerald stories. But here’s a few recent covers, which haven’t changed all so very much from way back in the days of my wayward youth:

But now, good ol’J. Crew has gone done and made of themselves a big fat sad joke: they’re offering a pair of fake-paint splattered jeans…for $300 bucks.

Excerpt via Black Book:

J. Crew has been revamping their image lately, ditching their stale Dawson’s Creek khaki look of the 90s for a more WASP-who-lives-in-a-Brooklyn-brownstone-and-likes-wearing-desaturated-pastels vibe. Which brings us back to the $300 pair of jeans. It takes a very special person to buy distressed overpriced jeans. This is

someone who wants the Jack Kerouac look without the work.

They want a look that says to others “I read big books, I care about things … just look at my outfit.” When in truth, it really says to the outside world I’m a giant douchebag. But J. Crew may already know this, because they stress that these jeans are not merely a piece of denim to clothe you—but rather a collectors item, hence the price. The people at the great J. Crew factory have spent hours painstakingly painting these for you, so pseudo-intellectuals at the coffee shop will think you’re artistic (or just haven’t quite mastered the paint roller). But don’t worry; these jeans can be machine washed.