A Conde Nast ex-girlfriend called me the other day, said a girlpal at the NY Post was looking to interview guys on why they didn’t call girls back, would I be game. When your life is devoted to web traffic, you never say “no”—just about any press that’ll get your site clicks is good press. So, making yet another humble, giving sacrifice to elephantjournal.com, I submitted myself to talking with a charming NYer journalista about why I didn’t call girls back.

And it turned out to be interesting. The lovely lady detailed all the reasons guys don’t call girls back over the phone, while I walked about in the park in my backyard in pj bottoms and flip flops through the sunny snowy day, trying for the life of me to remember what I generally try and forget—the details of good dates gone wrong.

While the number one reason I don’t call girls back is that I’m not attracted to them, and the number two one is they’re boring, and number three they’re crazy…well apparently there’s a new book that details all kinds of detailed reasons why blokes don’t call dolls back. I’ll stick with my three reasons, which I believe most gentlemen would agree with…but, ladies, if you’re looking for interesting detail on ‘why he just ain’t that into you’, go for it. Just one word of advice: don’t read the book in a cafe, or you’ll be creating a new reason guys won’t call.

Okay, this charming article makes me sound like a real class A #1 jerk-off, I doth protest that my quotes are a little more than a little hacked and spliced, but that’s what you get in journalism, all too often…and if you’re looking to laugh at, not with me, here’s your chance.