In a move that’s bound to be upsetting for…um…somebody, I’m sure, Dr. Laura Schlesinger has announced she’s going to end her radio show in the wake of a maelstrom of bad publicity in response to a recent racist rant. Like many well-off white people these days, Dr. Laura is feeling oppressed:

The reason is I want to regain my First Amendment rights. I want to be able to say what’s on my mind and in my heart and what I think is helpful and useful without somebody getting angry, some special interest group deciding this is the time to silence a voice of dissent and attack affiliates, attack sponsors. I’m sort of done with that.

Alas, like so many of today’s self-styled freedom fighters…along with, apparently, a vast array of people of all political persuasions who leave comments on web sites, the good Dr.’s clearly never bothered to actually read the First Amendment, which says this:

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

Yeah…really…that’s it. Seriously.

In a nutshell: you can’t be arrested for speaking your mind.

I know what you’re thinking: where’s the part about no one shall get all PC and shit and criticize people for making racist, sexist, or homophobic remarks? And where’s no one shall threaten to boycott sponsors of celebrities who make racist, sexist, or homophobic remarks? Or people with websites shall have no right to control the content on their sites by deleting obnoxious comments?

Hell, the single most important part appears to be missing: no one shall hold anybody else in any way responsible for saying anything.

As it turns out, the founding fathers left all of those on the cutting room floor, fearing that they would, in fact, contradict the principles of free speech and free press.

Imagine that.

Note to anybody who disagrees with anything in this post: Free speech!!!

Note to anybody who missed the irony in that last note: I give up…really, I do….