“The only thing that ever consoles man for the stupid things he does is the praise he always gives himself for doing them.”
-Oscar Wilde

What’s the dumbest thing you’ve ever done in your life? Did it involve a friend, your spouse, your pet? Fine. Did it involve the police? Nice. Did it get written up by the media? Outstanding. Did you do some time for it? We’ll be impressed. Have you never told anyone? Now’s your big chance.

Post it anonymously here as a comment. If you include your real name, you win. Kidding.

“Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.”
-Anonymous

Tell it in the voice you choose. Be creative. You can even make something up that’s not true. Who cares. This is show biz. Better if it’s true, though. That’s up to you. We’ll never know. We don’t care.

What did you do? Why did you do it? Passion? Anger? Just joking? Humor us. Justify.

“The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naïve forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget.”
-Thomas Szasz

What lead up to it? Did it happen because of your shitty childhood? Were you out on parole? Did you just have a bad day and want to kick the dog? Was it a simple lack of judgement? Did you get caught up in some situation and lose control? Were you so angry you couldn’t think straight? Did you think you’d finally go for it but forgot something important in the process? Did you just get unlucky and get caught? Are you left with a souvenir? A glamor scar? Describe it. Inquiring minds would love to know. And, be amused. Maybe we’ll learn something.

“To be stupid and selfish and to have good health are the three requirements for happiness, though if stupidity is lacking, the others are useless.”
-Gustave Flaubert

How many times have you looked back and thought about it? Have you ever told anyone? Do you wish you hadn’t? Now’s your chance to stand in the spotlight. Nobody will know who you are. We will all be entertained by your accomplishment. It’ll even be better if you win. And, there will be several winners. Several categories. We’re creative. You’ll get credit. It’ll be worth your while. And, by virtue of the fact that you took the time to play this little game, it’ll be worth it to you to get stroked for it.

“I like to think of my behavior in the sixties as a ‘learning experience.’ Then again, I like to think of anything stupid I’ve done as a ‘learning experience.’ It makes me feel less stupid.”
-P.J. O’Rourke

Give us both barrels. Be a sport. If you’re bullshitting, at least be clever. We don’t care if it’s a complete lie. We just want to read and laugh. Or, cry. Or, commiserate. Or, something.

“The ugly and the stupid have the best of it in this world. They can sit at their ease and gape at the play. If they know nothing of victory, they are at least spared the knowledge of defeat.”
-Oscar Wilde

Don’t be shy. You may not be the best writer around. No shame. Nobody will know who you are anyway. So, let loose. Write something. This is a social site. We write for you. Don’t just sit there with your thumb in your yoga mat. Do something for a change. Entertain us. Give it a shot. Write.

“You have to believe in God before you can say there are things that man was not meant to know. I don’t think there’s anything man wasn’t meant to know. There are just some stupid things that people shouldn’t do.”
-David Cronenberg

Write a Foo Haiku. Alliterate. Link to some some images. How about a link to a sound file? Perfect. If it’s in totally inappropriate taste, don’t worry. It’ll get zapped at some point.

Tell us your war story. Work a step. Do a fearless, searching moral inventory and come up with 3 or 4 stupid things you’ve done in your life. Have some fun. Write them down on a napkin. Cross off the ones you like the least. Take that little booger you’re left with and use that as your seed for this comment. Then, blow your nose in the napkin and throw it away.

There is hunger for ordinary bread, and there is hunger for love, for kindness, for thoughtfulness; and this is the great poverty that makes people suffer so much.
– Mother Teresa of Calcutta

Is all life suffering? Who the hell knows. Ask Jack. Ask Japhy. He’s still around. Ask me. None of it matters. Whatever you hear is worth the paper it’s printed on, which is zip, zilch, nada, nil. Nothing. Nothing matters except what *you* think. At least, in this little article. And, here’s your chance, Sport. Go. You go.

“Stupid is as stupid does.”
-Forrest Gump

How do you feel about this little episode in your life? What would you do if you had it to do all over again? Would you change anything? Would you do it all over again? What would you do differently? You’ve had at least a few minutes to think about it. Maybe, after you write it and press the “save” button, you’ll have something else to write about. Try not to let that happen. This is supposed to be fun. So, don’t screw it up.

“A clever wife often sleeps with a stupid husband.”
-Chinese proverb

It was just April Fools’ day. You might have thought up the best prank of your life and absolutely fell on your face. Maybe you want to write about April Fools’ days of yore. If you’re old enough to write, you’re old enough to have at least screwed up once. If you don’t think you’ve done anything dumb enough to rate writing it in here as an anonymous comment, thank you for not wasting our time. I bet you have something fine to boast about, though. Or, get off your chest. Whatever.

Actually, there’s only one rule here. Be anonymous. And, I mentioned to keep it appropriate. We don’t want to hear about it if it’s too … well, you’ll know if your comment gets zapped. Use your common sense.

“Only the wisest and stupidest of men never change.”
-Confucius

Meanwhile, have some fun. Don’t rush in where angels fear to tread. Give it a little thought. If you can wait a few days to post and that helps, all the better. No hurry. This post will be around.

“Everyone has a right to be stupid; some people just abuse the privilege.” -Author Unknown

Bonus: if we get enough posts, I might put one in myself. You won’t know because guess why? It’ll be anonymous. Just like the rest. And, yes – I have some semblance of style, but I’ll try not to sound like me. How many posts? I’d say 50. If we get fifty comments, one might be mine. No promises. This is a game and these are the rules. If you don’t like them, don’t play.

“Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity.”
-Martin Luther King, Jr.

Play some charades. Draw a picture and scan it in. Link to a YouTube video. Create an account on Current dot com and post it there. Link to it. Use your imagination. Blow us away. Or, not. Be lame. We don’t care. Nobody will know it’s you. Just write something. Have a party.

“Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure about the former.”
-Albert Einstein

We’re not asking you to do anything stupidly anonymous. Yes, if you create an account on YouTube, it’s supposed to be real. So, think about that. Current is a nice site. So, don’t litter it up with thoughtless nonsense. I’m just free associating. There are a lot of ways to get your story on the wire. Maybe typing it in is fine. Maybe that’s enough. Maybe it doesn’t need any fancy writing skills. It might be just fine all by itself. We, at least some of us, will be able to read between the lines and get your point, however abrupt or wordy it is.

“Men are born ignorant, not stupid. They are made stupid by education.”
-Bertrand Russell

What did you do about it afterwards? What happened? Why are you still attached to it? Do you cling to it? Do you dream about it? Is it your favorite story? Are you proud of it? Did you learn something from it? Are you confused by it? Have you got a secret desire to figure it out, once and for all? You might look at this as a chance to get it out of your system. Write it down. Look away. Poof. It’s gone. Maybe you will just write it down on that napkin and never blog about it here. Fine. You do what you want to do. You own your story. You don’t have to write it down here. But, come on, man. Have a little class. You’ve read this far. The least you can do is post a comment. It’s not that hard.

That’s it. I’m done. Your turn.