“Science: Thanks For The Nukes, Now Go Away.

If I may quote myself: Reality has a well-known liberal bias…

Now, I have nothing against observation per se. Looking at things is one of my great talents. In fact, as vice president of my Neighborhood Crime Watch, I personally witnessed a young couple attempt to paint their house a color not approved by the Home Owners’ Association. Thanks to my observation and flier campaign, their gracious home is now a beautiful Mannered Taupe.

But scientists use observation in a different way: to draw conclusions about the way reality works. They look at the world and ask questions about it. Only problem, we weren’t put on this planet to question our environment, we were put here to process it into fuel for our cars.

You see, like a load of dirty laundry spontaneously generates rats, questions spontaneously generate data and facts. And trust me: I would italicize these things if I didn’t believe they were dangerous. It’s not like I’m looking for extra work…

A Better Way

It’s natural to be curious about our world, but the scientific method is just one theory about how to best understand it. We live in a democracy, which means that we should treat every theory equally.

So here’s an alternative two-step method for understanding the universe:

Step 1: Remember: Six thousand years ago, God created the heavens and the earth.

Step 2: Repeat as necessary.” ~ from I Am America (And So Can You!) by Stephen Colbert

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