1. Instead of panicking, go into a dead quiet, peaceful, almost zen-like slow mo John Woo-directed action movie scene only you’re just a workaholic geeknerd entrepreneur in a cafe. Calmly flip your laptop upside down, leap to the coffee bar, grab napkins, and dab your upside-down laptop until there’s no moisture left. Just like Tom Cruise.

2. Turn off laptop.

3. Notice that the gent who just spilled coffee all over your laptop has left. He probably expects you to be a litigious American douche-bag, and so acts like a fearful, dishonorable douche-bag. You understand.

4. Bike to the Apple Store. Wait 15 minutes for the first available Genius appointment (they assure you you’re fucked, there’s nothing you can do, therefore no rush). Finally meet with someone. He says you’re fucked. $755 bucks. Applecare won’t cover it, of course. Your hard drive may or may not be intact. You’ll have to send it in to Apple, it’ll take three days. Yes, they know it’s your entire life and business and mortgage and yadayadayadayada. They’ve heard it all before. They act like medics in a time of war: calm, jaded, friendly without being helpful.

5. Go climbing since you’re fucked and broke and can’t work. Someone at the climbing gym says “oh, just keep it upside down, put a fan on it, I spilled a chai with milk and sugar and it was still fine. Just leave it upside down and off for 24 hours with the fan on it.”

6. Leave it upside down and off for 24 horus with a fan on it.

7. Try and turn it on. Nothing happens.

8. Go for a long hike with your silly dog.

9. Write a blog about it on your old, half-broken laptop (only half the screen shows up, you went half-blind working on it a year ago) that doesn’t have your current work on it.

10. Think about how you’re broke and fucked and can’t work and question your “career” path (readers expect to read for free, advertisers generally don’t advertise or ask for discounts or want trade).

EC: go to dinner with friends, go to free symphony at your local university, and go to bed.

EEC: ask anyone reading this who might be inspired to help to instead go here and help or at least share up.