And That’s When Things Got Really Weird…

My editor has long asked to me write about this topic and I am finally fol­low­ing through, mostly because after what recently hap­pened to me I could not not write about it. Mom, stop read­ing right now. First let’s estab­lish what sex­ual fetishism is: “If you have a fetish, you are obses­sively fix­ated on either an object or a body part.” explains AskMen​.com. Mean­ing that when a man prefers brunettes that is not a fetish, but if he can only get off from hav­ing sex with brunettes than it is a fetish. The obses­sion is what defines the fetish. So what are some out there strange fetishes? After some research and per­sonal expe­ri­ences I’ve com­piled a brief list of some com­mon and some “What-​​the-​​hell-​​are-​​you-​​smoking-​​if-​​you-​​think I’ll do that.” fetishes.

Have you ever had that con­ver­sa­tion? You know the one where your part­ner asks “So what’s your fan­tasy or fetish? What are you into?” I appre­ci­ate this con­ver­sa­tion, it lays the kink out there right up front, after all sex­ual com­pat­i­bil­ity is vital to a rela­tion­ship. But what hap­pens when the reply is, well, hor­ri­fy­ing? Some peo­ple are turned on by red lip­stick and for oth­ers sneezes are erotic. Huh? Read on for more sex­ual fetishes.

Ursusagal­matophilia: Peo­ple who dress up like ani­mals and call them­selves “fur­ries” or “plushies”. Don’t mis­take this for zoophilia which is the sex­ual attrac­tion to ani­mals. There is a large ‘furry scene’ and it’s sur­pris­ingly main stream these days. My ques­tion is how do you real­ize you’re into this? Why furry ani­mal costumes?

Dom­i­na­tion and sub­mis­sion: Rel­a­tively com­mon. In most sex­ual sit­u­a­tions there is one per­son who likes to be dom­i­nated and the other who likes to sub­mit. There are vary­ing sta­tis­tics on whether more men like to dom­i­nate or be dom­i­nated. Some peo­ple like to play both roles while oth­ers can only play one. This is where sex­ual com­pat­i­bil­ity comes into play. If you like to be dom­i­nated you should date the guy who will buy the rid­ing crop and teach you a les­son. A sexy lesson.

Odax­e­lagnia: Bite me. Bit­ing and being bit­ten by your part­ner is a sex­ual fetish that has noth­ing to do with teenage vam­pires. (Yes there is a blood drink­ing fetish in case you were won­der­ing.) I find it sur­pris­ing that bit­ing is reg­u­lated to fetishism since I con­sider it some­what nor­mal dur­ing sex but per­haps that speaks more about me than the fetish. Does that mean that rough sex is a fetish or a pref­er­ence? Does hair pulling count as a fetish than?

Dacryphilia: A per­son who gets turned on by tears. So what you’re say­ing is that all the men who’ve bro­ken my heart are dacryphil­i­acs? All kid­ding aside this par­tic­u­lar fetish seems to be quite creepy. Who gets off by mak­ing some­one cry? Steer me clear of these guys.

Lin­gerie & cos­tumes: Your gar­den vari­ety fetish. Who doesn’t like a lit­tle lin­gerie and role-​​playing? I have a love for lin­gerie, I own tons of it and I wear it nearly every day. So when I date a man who appre­ci­ates it all the bet­ter. And as for dress­ing up, that old cos­tume from Hal­loween when you were the slutty beer wench? Dust it off, put it on and let the role playing begin.

Erotic Lac­ta­tion: When a per­son is sex­u­ally aroused from breastfeeding. “Because female breasts and nip­ples are gen­er­ally regarded as an impor­tant part of sex­ual activ­ity in most cul­tures, it is not uncom­mon that cou­ples may pro­ceed from oral stim­u­la­tion of the nip­ples to actual breast­feed­ing. In les­bian part­ner­ships, mutual breast­feed­ing has been regarded as a famil­iar expres­sion of affec­tion and ten­der­ness.” I have no com­men­tary on this except, uh, who knew?

Pogonophilia: The fix­a­tion on bearded men. Guilty as charged. I dig facial hair on men. How­ever I think this is more a pref­er­ence rather than a fetish. I don’t elim­i­nate men that I date based on their facial hair. Also maybe it’s only a fetish if you can’t sleep with a man or get aroused unless he has a beard.

Golden show­ers: Yes, the act of pee­ing on or being peed on by your part­ner. Not to sound judg­men­tal or any­thing but, gross. Also, what are the mechan­ics of this? Do you only do it in the shower? I mean how do you clean a mat­tress after that? By the way those are rhetor­i­cal questions.

These are all just a sam­pling of fetishes. How­ever, when does a fetish become a deal breaker? If your part­ner has a sex­ual fetish that you are unwill­ing to ful­fill then does it end the rela­tion­ship? For me on one occa­sion, yes. I was see­ing a man and no sooner had the words, “He’s too good to be true.” left my mouth did he bring up his par­tic­u­lar fetish. We were hav­ing a lovely evening when the con­ver­sa­tion came up about sex­ual likes and dis­likes. As we con­tin­ued talk­ing a very seri­ous look came over his face, he hes­i­tated and then said “I have to con­fess that I have a sort of strange fetish.” He then whis­pered in my ear his par­tic­u­lar fetish. My reac­tion on the inside: Are you fuck­ing kid­ding me?

How­ever I did keep my com­po­sure. Strange is the under­state­ment of the year buddy. Now, I am not going to list my fetishes, sex­ual likes or dis­likes on here, but the men I have dated can attest that I am no prude and frankly I am dif­fi­cult to shock. But this man accom­plished that feat.

I real­ized instantly that this man and I no longer had a future I said as politely as pos­si­ble that I was unwill­ing to sat­isfy his par­tic­u­lar fetish and I hoped that he and I could be friends. He was not happy to say the least and accused me of being “too con­ser­v­a­tive”. It also made for an awk­ward trip home. If not par­tic­i­pat­ing in what he described made me con­ser­v­a­tive then so be it!

Fetishes are all fine and dandy and we all have some­thing in par­tic­u­lar that turns us on. But if your fetish or fan­tasy can induce the above reac­tion, then guess what, that is what the inter­net is for. To find peo­ple who are like-​​minded so you can live hap­pily ever after. So by all means let your freak flag fly but find a per­son who is will­ing to fly it with you.

Taylor Cast has been the female half of The Urban Dater since 2008. She lives, dates & writes in New York city. She drinks gin & bourbon, smokes cigars & bakes; all while in 4 inch stilettos. Her best advice is to never leave home with out red lipstick & a strong opinion. Some have called her a sassy yet classy broad. You can read more of her articles here.