The anticipation, the wonder that comes from taking the post box key chain garnished with a small Ganesh and the hope that rises as the key turns and the mail slot reveals packages upon packages. Or the disappointment as most often nothing but papers filled with advertisements spill out unwillingly into my expectant hands.

This Christmas Eve was my first to spend alone as a newly single mom. Not for want of invitiations. I had many. Grateful for the abundance of friends and outpouring of their graceful companionship, I still chose to spend the evening with some thoughtfully sliced carrots, hummus and a glass of Malbec. Love Actually (the movie) kept me comfortably uncomfortable with the thought that yes, indeed, “love is all around”.

I don’t dwell on the fact that Christmas has become a barrage of commercialism. Instead I chose to focus on the Divinity and spirit of the day. The serendipity and magic of the choices I’ve made and how the beauty of this season brings out the grace and unity that is often hidden most of the year.

Earlier in the day, I lead a receptive and loving community of people in a class combining movement, stillness and healing Thai massage.

“You know what I see in you? Not only the weakened, but also the strong. Not only the wounded, but also the healed. Not only the old, but also the new. Enter with me into a dazzling present, to be with me, now, who we have never allowed ourselves to be before.”

And as the rain poured down on and made gentle patterning noises on the roof, I continued to read: “New water pours over us, as we surrender to the wave. We will wash ourselves clean of the yesterdays that stick to us. This is not death. We are not drowning.”* It is the beginning. 

A small brown box, it’s contents carefully wrapped in tissue paper revealed a woman, the elegant birdcage woman releasing her doves; ones that were not meant to be confined. This was my brilliant Christmas gift from a thoughtful friend who’s depth of meaning goes beyond what I can write. But whose intention gave me the fulfillment of  hope as I closed the mailbox and felt the wind gently dry my tears. A new beginning.

* Enchanted Love by Marianne Williamson

Post inspired by #Reverb11

Anicca (Change)

What did you let go of this year? Whom did you let go?