Want to ruin Easter dinner? It’s easy!

Step 1: Make constant references comparing Jesus to a zombie. Hmmm…rose from the dead? Wants the hearts and minds of men? Is it Jesus…or a zombie? Or Zombie Jesus!

Step 2: Remind everyone that their Easter candy was made by slaves.

Step 3: Baa, moo or oink accordingly every time someone takes a bite of the meat that is being served.

Step 4: Show up wearing fur and say, “Hey kids, guess what? I caught the Easter Bunny!”

Step 5: Remind everyone that you’re vegan every few minutes and sulk in the corner with a carrot.

Step 6: Start conversations with, “You know what I hate about Obama?” with your super liberal relatives, wait for it to get heated and walk away.

Step 7: Start conversations with, “You know what I hate about Mitt Romney?” with your super conservative relatives, wait for it to get heated and walk away.

Step 8: Tell any kids within earshot that the Easter Bunny isn’t real and all that crap is from their parents.

Step 9: Take this opportunity to tell your family why you dislike their religion of choice and think yours is superior.

Step 10: Write an obnoxious satirical blog post about how to be a jerk at the holidays and then send it to everyone you know on Facebook.

The truth is, I celebrate Easter. I celebrate it as another way to enjoy the great parts of life and connect with family.

I’ve seen (and done) some variation on some of these at Easter and other holidays, and while it’s good for a laugh, it’s a good reminder too. Celebrate the parts you love, and don’t get so bent out of shape about the rest of it.

We can try to be at peace with our families even if they drive us crazy sometimes. And we can try not to be assh*les when people see things differently than us.

Happy Easter, Passover, Ostara and any other spring holiday I’ve forgotten! (Make something nice for the vegans in your family!).