A Selfish Dater is someone who wants to be in a relationship as long as the relationship revolves around them.

When you met this person, they probably stated that they were finally ready to find the “one”, settle down, get married and have children. Since you were also on this same wanting-to-settle-down-path, hearing this was music to your ears.

For the first month or two, dating this person was smooth sailing; they definitely knew how to put their best foot forward. They were great about communicating with you, they would make plans to see you, and after a month you were exclusively dating.

Everyone could see how happy you were. Your face would light up like a Christmas tree, and there was excitement in your voice every time you talked about this person to your friends. Could you have finally found the one?

Relationships can be like fairytales; turning as quickly as Cinderella’s dress from a beautiful ball gown into rags by midnight.  Just like a selfish dater who finally shows their true colors.

Before your eyes the person you thought had the same plans for the future as you did, suddenly does a “rules” switch-a-rue, but maybe you can catch it before it goes that far.

Here are some of the tell tale signs:

1. Everything starts to revolve around their needs. This person is very self-absorbed.
2. In order for them to possibly one day get married and have children, means that you have to revolve your life around theirs. Can you say self-centered?
3. They will expect you to understand and support their busy schedule and whatever plans they decide to make with or without you.
4. This type of person will have no respect for your time, usually making plans with you last minute, and will get upset if you’re not available.
5. With a selfish dater canceling dates a few hours or minutes before you were to see them becomes more frequent than the actual date itself. This becomes beyond annoying.
6. A selfish dater will also expect you to give them emotional support. This is of course one-sided leaving you feeling anything but special.
7. If you happened to be going through something in your life which needs their emotional support they will run the other direction like there’s a fire.
8. Selfish daters need relationships to be stress-free. If they are feeling any stress from you they will back away; calling and seeing you less or not at all.
9. You will always be less than secondary in a selfish dater’s life.
10. If you’re in a sexual relationship with this person, during foreplay, a selfish dater will expect you to “give”, but hardly ever or possible never “give” back. During sex they will only care about satisfying their needs. This ends up being very frustrating.

Trust me, it’s no fun to realize the person you are dating is actually a selfish dater in disguise, especially when they appeared to be the complete opposite.

Relationships are not one sided. If that were the case you might as well be dating yourself.

In order for a relationship to be successful, both people must be willing to make time, compromise equally, and put in the effort. If you’re with someone who is so selfish that they can only think about themselves and their needs, then be self-loving and walk away.

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Editor: Jennifer Cusano

 

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