What they have in common is less important than what makes them unique.

Whenever I see an article start out with something like “What every girl/guy wants” I immediately think to myself, “Now there’s a person who doesn’t know how to build a successful relationship.”

You see, to say something like “every guy this” or “every girl that” there is an assumption that for each person there is a certain “guy-ness” or “girl-ness” that they share with everybody of the same sex. I’m not saying that guys and girls don’t have things in common with each other but what they have in common is far less important than what makes them unique.

No girl wants to be loved because they are a girl. The same is true for men. Each person wants to be loved because they are “The Girl” or “The Man”. If you can say something general about relationships at all: people want to be loved for who they are. They want to be the one and only one who can rock your world.

Another reason I really dislike those “what every guy/girl wants” articles, they lead you to believe in a statement like: “Well because you’re a guy you (fill in the blank).” Besides the fact that the statement could be false, believing such a thing puts your partner into a box. I guess that is fine if your partner fits into your guy/girl box but, personally, I prefer to match up with a person who doesn’t have limitations.

What if that beautiful girl you are dating hates flowers and chocolate? What if that great guy loves flowers and chocolate?

Be open to it.  It might work out.

The way I see it, the fewer limitations the more potential. I like to start out with the sky as the limit and be open to going beyond even that.

It’s a better place to start than a box anyway.

Guys and girls are always a bit of a mixed bag. Women usually have a little Tom Boy in them; men, whether they will cop to it or not, have a feminine side. Real people are not Barbie and Ken dolls. We are complicated creatures and the real joy of a relationship is exploring each other. That is unless you are shallow and you are looking to move on the next morning. Then I suppose you only need to know your partner as a guy or girl.

A serious relationship is about exploration: Exploring each other (in more ways than one) and exploring the world together. That’s how relationships live and die. Once your partner doesn’t want to get to know any more about you (or if they feel they know too much about you) or if they no longer want to share new experiences with you then things are not probably not going to last much longer.

The truth is, it is not really important to know what every guy or girl wants. It is only important to know what your lover wants.

If you can deliver that, then you are on your way.

John Whipple is a barefoot vagabond musician, artist and writer based out of a Toyota pickup and wherever it is parked. His website can be found at http://barefootjohn.com. Email him at [email protected].

Editor: ShaMecha Simms

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