I’m a big girl. You can tell me the truth.

The thing is, I really am a peaceful person. I do yoga. I knit a pair of socks once. I recycle. But maybe I’m not having the best day today. Maybe something bad just happened, or I’m just in a crappy mood. I know you mean well, so please—don’t blow smoke up my ass with the nonsensical, silly dialogue. And the pithy adages. It makes me cranky. 

There are quite a few doozies that get me every time. I know you’re just trying to help and it’s super sweet, but I might bite your head off if you come at me with one of these.

It’s All Good.

Actually, it’s not. I just lost a shift at work and I owe everyone money from the mechanic to my divorce lawyer. Some of it ain’t so good, Pollyanna. I’m not complaining, because I love my life, and I’ve learned to take the good with the garbage. I just think it’s healthy to acknowledge some things absolutely suck.

When God Closes A Door, He Opens A Window.

I’m not in third grade and this isn’t Davy & Goliath. It goes hand in hand with it’s A Blessing In Disguise and Every Cloud Has A Silver Lining. Sometimes bad things are just bad. Again, as much as I love dessert, it doesn’t do any good to put sugar on dog poop.

I don’t know what is wrong with me…I’m usually not this ornery.

Everything Happens For A Reason.

This one does make sense, but not for the reason you think. Things happen because of  karma. The stuff that happens today is a result of a past action, at least according to the Buddhists. Yeah, it’s a thinker.

Something Better Will Come Along!

I don’t believe in psychics. Nice try.

Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff.

You know what? This one actually makes sense. I’m leaving it in.

 I’m just now discovering I say some of these myself…Must stop…

Don’t Quit Five Minutes Before the Miracle.

Miracle is a strong word, and I’m not quite sure I believe in miracles. Are unicorns and leprechauns going to show up too? I can, however, accept Something Good Might Happen If You Keep On Truckin’. And it’s good for a giggle, which is probably what I really need if I’m feeling down.

Smile! It’s Not That Bad!

…But it feels bad. I’ll smile when I feel better, or if you tickle my feet.

The Serenity Prayer.

So much meaningless blather. No wonder I need yoga.

Anne Clendening was born and raised in L.A. and spent most of her youth dreaming of becoming a Charlie’s Angel one day. A yoga teacher, a writer and kind of a dark little hippie, Annie is especially inspired by horror flix, Pink Floyd and anything chocolate. She writes about her life at www.mysweetyoga.com. If you’re not easily offended, her darker thoughts can be read at www.dirtyblondeink.com. And she endlessly adores her hot Aussie boyfriend.