What’s truly attractive in a member of the opposite, or same sex, or either, or both? Whomever we’re attracted to—of course the physical is part of it. But we’ve all known those who could model in a magazine who didn’t have that attraction, for us. And we’ve all known some highly unconventionally-looking hotties who we were just magnetized to.

So what’s truly, really, deeply, madly, ravishingly attractive?

First on my list—given my experience—is sanity. The best sign of sanity? A sense of humor about oneself, and one’s circumstances. A willingness to listen, and learn—not just try to “win” every argument.

And, of course, these lessons in decency apply fully to ourselves. Let’s explore:

A Woman who is Irreverent, Wild, Independent, Powerful, Vulnerable.

I like girls who like dresses with pockets.

But that’s not vital to the kind of relationship I’m looking for.

1. I need your nose to crinkle at the top when you laugh at me or smile at my seriousness. (I need you never to take me too seriously)

2. I need you to try and make out with me in a car, which I don’t like because people could see in and I’m protective, but it’s 2013 and Mumford & Sons just came on and you want me to love them. (I need you to delight in following your wilder instincts for ordinary love)

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3. I need you to want to go for a run or a frienddate or yoga or whatever you like if I’m busy working and not bother me, because you’re independent and do not confuse our affection with possession. (I need some space—it’s both relaxing and stimulating—and you too require space, and hold this space as a part of our love not a mark against it. And we give this exhaling nothing to one another).

4. I need you to care for your own center of gravity. Recline in your power. (I need you to meditate, or find your true, empty nature through some form of meditation in action. We just woke up. Let’s find our presents, then hustle to get ready or take things slowly as the day dictates, and our hearts reply). (I want, I need to love a power, not a mere support, for power rested within itself is the most secure in its non-ego and therefore the most willing to support the most).

5. Despite your center of gravity, your independence, your power, I need you to be confident enough to be raw open vulnerable shocking in your non-game-playing honesty: our love is independent, but in that independence and through the space between us, rested in our power, we shall on occasion need me, and we shall on occasion need you, and you need to be okay needing me. (and, vice versa—I need you to be okay with my being weak, messy, confused, vulnerable—I am not always this but I am this)

P.S: (108 Dealbreakers? We can’t have more than five, or we’re the problem)