Photo by Dennis Skley

Whether I’m single, coupled or in the midst of a breakup, it has a direct impact on the answer to that question.

It’s all about experiences, baby!

If I choose to never take a leap into vulnerability and instead watch life from the sidelines…I never get to have passionate adventures to love, fulfill and grow myself.

A long time ago in a land far, far away, I used to exist on the sidelines or in my “living coffin” for years.

I sealed off any opportunity for pain to lasso me in and tie me to the back of a bull.

I numbed out, disconnected and lived in a hermetically sealed Tupperware bowl. It was very lonely, routine and boring as hell. I was comfortable in my discomforting, predictable existence.

The thing is life never let me stay there.

It had a way of pulling me out!

Not so shocking, considering my biggest wish was that I really, really wanted a relationship. My fears of letting my kitchen counter get dirty with emotions or allowing my sink to fill up with all sorts of abandoned dishes… scared me more.

So my friend Fear and I made a deal; I would choose men for a relationship and Fear would make sure they were unsuitable for me because Fear ruled!

I existed in the discomfort of “sterile order,” along with the torture of being with emotionally unavailable people in my relationships; it was good times…

I had distaste for drama, yet attracted it left, right and center, all the while thinking something was wrong with the other person.

I preferred emotions available only in dreams and fantasies, but not in reality. Emotions had no place on my to do lists.

I couldn’t get past my failed marriage, my failed attempts at relationships and yet, couldn’t admit it to myself that I was creating this crap because I had the pretense of having it all together.

I suffered anxiety and depression daily, ugh. It was a sad party being the only guest because I didn’t invite friends, relatives or mates into my cave. When I felt crappy, I cut off, so I could feel crappier.

I look back at that time in my life, as though I was another person.

And now, there are times, I still find my first inclination is to cut off, run and hide.

Instead, when the kitchen gets dirty, I’m not in such a hurry to clean the countertops; it’s more exhilarating to see how those messes make me vulnerable.

And those dishes in the sink aren’t abandoned; I never split and leave them for someone else anymore. I’ve learned to enjoy the messiness of my own emotions and others. Love becomes more valuable all the time.

Emotions are where the party is located: overwhelming, engulfing, crazy, peaceful, joyous, et al…because really, being alive makes them unavoidable anyways, right?

It’s definitely different to stand still and say, “I’m here for love,” rather than getting pissed with a messy kitchen.

Love. The actions and words of love make us more capable of everything in this life. Love in action, unencumbered by ego and in its purest form is freedom.

The investment in love pays more than a dividend in freedom, it spurs personal growth, both spiritually and emotionally.

Love is not an expectation to achieve the prize. Sometimes we confuse the ego needs with our definition of love.

Love is not predictable. Love is connection.

Really, you can just love people.

They may love you from the padded safety of their own box, which drives you crazy! You can’t control them nor can you make it detrimental to your own well-being either. Love is love, when you toss ego aside, you find you love them anyway. To deny it is to create structures against all love.

Conversations in your head means unfinished business. The chatter doesn’t need to be analyzed; let it flow freely without judgment or ownership and then feel the love that is there. Is it worth it?

Why do we make it all so complicated, when it comes to love?

Our biggest growth comes from our relationships with others not the path you walk alone in your head.

Action with love is simple. Fear is what complicates it and guess what? Fear is inside the head; it’s absent from the internal seeds and external actions of love.

Being a fool for love is much easier than being a hermit full of thoughts in the mind.

Stay the fool.

In the tarot deck, the first card is “The Fool.” It stands for taking a risk, knowing nothing will harm you in the spirit of innocence and even amongst chaos; it’s time to take a leap off the cliff and fly into the arms of love.

So, the question, is love worth it?

An experience I had a few months ago, confirms for me what I know.

I was in a store speaking to another customer. Part of our conversation was about who she cared for as a nurse. Her patients were “people in their 80s and older.”

She was drawn to the elderly because of their wisdom.

She told me of three of her patients in particular.

One was an 85-year-old who she found sobbing in her bed because she said she realized she would never be kissed passionately again.

Another woman said if she had it to do over, she wouldn’t listen to others and she would live her life for herself.

And the third patient said, “Love is what it’s all about, partnership with someone while sharing deep intimacy and the roller coaster ride.”

Hmmm, so where does that leave you on the question of love?

For me, I’d rather have loved and lost, strapped myself into the roller coaster ride and been the biggest passionate fool for love than to have remained among the living dead.

~

Editor: Brianna Bemel

 

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