Dear Yogi Muse:

If my mat gets too sweaty during class it causes back farts. Will that reduce my chances of scoring with the girl next to me?

Don’t sweat the petty, pet the sweaty

Dear Sweaty:

If I am first to tell you that you are not supposed to be hitting on the other yogis in the class, then where on Earth have you been practicing? Don’t answer that!  In general, yogis do not hit on other yogis even in Happy Baby Pose. However, the Yogi Muse is not an idiot and I know exactly what is happening at all those building community types of events. Plus, I used to teach Anusara yoga. It seems like lots of people are getting lucky in their Lululemons, except me. I have never, not once, been hit on in yoga.  But, let me get back to you. Have you heard of a towel? That might be helpful in your practice.

Dear Yogi Muse,

My man boobs prevent a tight wrap of the arms in Garudasana Eagle Pose, plus they inhibit my breathing in Padahastasana. Can you recommend a modification?

Padahastasana

Moobs in Mumbai

Dear Moobs,

You are preaching to the choir. I used to think for a long time that Mayurasana Peacock Pose was impossible for anyone with a D cup or greater gifts. Then I discovered that you put your arms below the girls, or in your case the little boys. In Eagle Pose, try going above the girls and slightly forward. In Padahastasana, I excuse myself to go to the bathroom. Certain poses require surrender, and that’s one of them.

Dear Yogi Muse,

I want to be a Lululemon Ambassador more than anything, but try as I might I can’t get an invite. What am I doing wrong? Am I too old?

Stud not a dud

Dear Stud,

Clearly you must be doing something wrong because as a dude, the only requirements I’m aware of for you to be an ambassador for Lululemon is that you have a pulse. If you check and find out this is not the case, don’t call me, call 911.

Dear Yogi Muse,

I am young and tattooed. Whenever I teach, the women beg me to take off my shirt. I don’t like to do this because I feel it interferes with their path to enlightenment. What should I do?

Wants to be Taken Seriously

Dear Wants to be Taken,

This is a tough one, because I think I am one of those women. Years ago Bikram Choudhury had a similar problem when women begged him to sleep with them or else they threatened to kill themselves. He decided he had no choice but to accommodate them. It was the path of Ahimsa, or non-violence. In your case, if a student seems to be in distress, by all means assist her and take off your shirt. After all, you are here to serve.

Michelle Marchildon is the Yogi Muse. If you have questions you would like her to consider, please contact her on Facebook and post your question.

~

Editor: Kate Bartolotta

Like elephant funny on Facebook.