This is not a how to upgrade your sex life, be more awesome, Cosmo-bullshit kind of post.

With apologies to my female friends who loved Fifty Shades, when I saw this in the bookstore I wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cry.

Is this what we’ve come to? 93 percent of women polled are still trying to release their “inner goddesses” and get their sexy mojo going?

What women? They didn’t ask me, because this is what I would have told them.

Let go of your “inner goddess.”

Let her go.

It’s time. Give her a good shakedown, make sure she’s not taking anything of yours with her and then tell her to hit the road.

What’s that all about anyway?

We read this phrase and have visions of this lovely goddess surrounded with dewy petals and wildlife, equal parts strength and femininity. It’s like a new age version of a Disney Princess. Have you looked around the Pantheon? Some of the goddesses are pretty scary! What if your inner goddess is Kali or Shiva? We all have days when whatever goddess is lurking around in there sure as hell isn’t all love, light and lotus petals.

 Own your opinion.

It’s not about what your “inner goddess” wants or what she would do. What do you want? What do you want? What’s in between your bones, aching to be done? What’s in there? That’s what matters. That’s where you’re powerful. When you don’t take ownership of your dreams, you take away your voice.

When I hear women talking about “connecting with their inner goddess” or “releasing their inner goddess” or “listening to their inner goddess,” I hear one more way we aren’t taking ownership of our opinions, our passions and our voices. This is what I want. This is what I love. This is what I’m saying. Own it.

Be passionate.

I would rather get to the end of my life penniless and exhausted, having given my whole self to the dreams I am passionate about, than played it safe and lived a passionless life. What does that look like for you? What do you dream of doing? What keeps you up at night? If you haven’t found it yet, maybe it’s time you stopped reading about relationship role playing games and started paying attention to your heart. Take step back from that Pinterest board and see what’s coming up over and over for you. No one else can tell you what your dream is. It has to come from you.

You know that silly quote about noticing where your heart goes when it wanders? That one’s true. That thing, that person, that dream that you just can’t stop thinking about? That’s it. Stop waffling and own it. Don’t think for one single second about how it “looks” to anyone else. It’s yours. That’s all that matters.

Be magnificent.

Stop looking for validation. Stop spinning. Stop fixing. Stop being afraid of yourself and be magnificently human.

This doesn’t mean be self-indulgent or self-centered. Take care of yourself. Take care of the people you love. But know that the light inside you is enough to light up the whole sky—to light up your whole life—just as it is right now. There isn’t going to come a day where you connect with “your goddess” and everything is going to be amazing. It’s already amazing. You’re just too afraid to see it. When we spend time trying to be like someone or something else, we’re missing the point. What’s most magnificent is the ways that we aren’t like anyone else.

Be human.

Every cell of you contains the stars. Your amazing heart beat 100,000 times today. What makes you so amazing isn’t that you are a goddess, it’s that you are human. You are not sexy because you read the right article, or wore the right lipstick or “found your inner goddess.” You don’t have to be that. It’s your wild, precious, flawed human self that is perfect in its imperfection.

All those articles about how to be better in bed, be a sex goddess, yadda yadda yadda? They come down to two things: confidence and enthusiasm. (Well, that and tips like “put an Altoid in your mouth while giving a blow job,” to which I would add a cautionary: just ’cause Cosmo says it’s great, doesn’t make it true.)

Take care of the beautiful body you have. Love it. Strengthen it. Challenge it. Nourish it.

Beyond that? Skip the Altoids and work on confidence and enthusiasm.