Part Two of the “Mars & Venus Conversation” by David G Arenson ND

Mutual attraction. Polar opposites experiment with words as distance keeps them apart.

Mars and Venus continue their conscious dialogue about the undying passion that keeps men and women together and breaks them apart with an intense desire to connect sex to Source and Love to all intimate involvement.

It’s not just about sex is it?

Orgasm. The realm of the Heavens. How do you bring this into your life outside the bedroom, making life an orgasmic experience?

Part poetry, part philosophy, two souls unite in an elephant journal romance. 

Venus:

Not going to get a nay out of me, or frankly into me, when it comes to sex. I am all in, so to speak, but really—is an orgasm the closest thing to God?

Ask a woman who’s been recently dumped and she’ll probably tell you that the closest thing to God seems like a pint of Purely Decadent cookie dough ice cream and it won’t try to hoard the remote control post dismount!

Maybe the new revolution of hippies is making too much of what sex is. Pretending that it’s all about the divine smell of skin and passionate conscious connection of one soul to another.

(Okay, true story…) I met a “yogi” online and we exchanged phone numbers. He’s beautiful, into meditation, tantra, yummy delicious blue eyes that you could just daydream about staring into as you contract into orgasm. So I text him a hello. His first text was, “Send me a picture of your tits.”

It was downhill from there, and not the kind of on-my-knees downhill I was daydreaming about. So we never met.

There is such an excess put on sex and such a withdrawal of interest when it comes to matters of the heart.

By the time you were twenty, you probably had a hidden porn collection but when it comes to how many of us put time into how to relate to and extend kindness to the opposite sex, nothing. And here’s the catch, you have to, in some even remote way, appeal to a woman’s heart before the kingdom to the almighty vagina is even opened. Maybe not when you’re in college but certainly past your thirties—right??

The playing field is different and what we experience with lovers is at some point in our lives, pretty intense. And I don’t know about you, but when a 42-year-old self-proclaimed passionate, spiritual man first messages you with “show me your tits” I wonder about the depths of sex in general.

I begin to daydream more about that pint of ice cream I mentioned earlier rather than those beautiful blue eyes.

Mars:

I feel a sense of cynicism from being hurt in the past filtering through in your assessments.

Feeling hurt over a relationship that ended does not negate the exhilaration of the orgasmic experience. One can continue to have orgasms without a partner and although it may be challenging to reach the same pinnacle of creative exuberance as expressed through the orgasm, it can be fulfilling nevertheless.

Sometimes all that remains is love after the fall of all other illusions. It’s giving of love, or seeking of love that’s behind most acts, yet unfortunately fear so often penetrates and suppresses the natural flow of life.

It sounds like “your man” has such a fear of getting close to someone that before it can even start, he’s already sabotaging it. How much does fear obstruct our love lives, and how can we embrace love for the sake of love despite our fears and past experiences?

Fear is denial of life.

Allowing yourself to let go and surrender, is the bravest and most important way for you to find yourself as a woman (and a man).

When a person fears getting close to another, he has detached himself from his own heart consciousness.

I believe on the other side of this fear, love is waiting for you to allow it to percolate inside of you. The moment when we become uncomfortable, is exactly the moment when we start to grow. Too many of us (including me) stop at that moment. Let’s not waste that opportunity to feel. If you can accept yourself as you are, then naturally all you’re feeling is okay. Accepting yourself begins with unconditional love.

Yet why is this appearing in your realm of consciousness? What does it reflect about you? Where is your fear—are you afraid of bringing a man close?

My notion is that the average man would buy a girl a drink and engage in friendly banter, before progressing to the topic of sex. Surely there are still gentlemen out there?

Venus:

We always see what we are supposed to. “My man” was simply a reminder to keep present—to be conscious not to engage in the facade of love and sex. The spiritual man was exquisite bait. I bit.

Women dream in details. Men fixate on the goals. I believe that’s why soft core pornography typically appeals to women and hard core to men. Women like the story. Respectfully speaking, when the average man is buying a girl a drink, she’s fantasizing about their romance, he’s imagining her naked.

So if what we’re all looking for is sustaining that high of coupling, maybe we could stretch beyond the boundaries of climax.

Maybe an orgasm out of the bedroom is looking into your partner’s eyes and feeling where they are at that moment, breathing them in just to say “Hi,” noticing them as an energy or sensation rather than a commodity.

Why does sensuality have to stay in the bedroom?

We deny our innate desire for lust and touch unless we’re making love. Does that make any sense? Maybe that’s what is making us closet addicts to our beloved orgasm. Sex, sensuality, touch and desire are all rationed or at best, suppressed.

So, I ask students in class to consider taking their yoga practice off the mat. What would it take for us to experience loving connectivity and sensuality out of the bedroom alone, without dry humping our friends or being called a pervert.

Come on. Let’s play. Let’s play like we like each other. Like we love each other the way we love the glory of the sunrise—all of its magnificence without the attempt for ownership and for the love of all that is holy (and wholly)—wait until the second conversation to ask her to “sext” you her tits.

Sending you bright, sloppy kisses and a rainbow of ecstasy, Venus

Intending for more room to roll around in…

Mars:

I speak about sex as a very conscious connection between two lovers. I would hope that society hasn’t lost the ability to relate or be kind to the opposite sex. I haven’t found that from personal experience. One bad experience from a “joker” in the pack should not color your innate desires and deepest longings. That would be a pity.

I sense that cynicism and date-fatigue has set in, and in searching for an ideal partner, you’ve stopped fully experiencing the potentiality of the present moment. Let’s face it, if you had truly healed from past hurts, then you wouldn’t be searching for ice cream.

So is love exclusive, is sex exclusive, is orgasm exclusive?

The heart-based wisdom we seek would dictate that love and sex are part of the same whole, that orgasm and life are part of the same whole. We all came into being via orgasm, via procreation. Subconsciously this is imprinted in our DNA. That’s why the orgasm is so life-affirming and energizing.

I agree that sensuality and consciousness are ideally brought into life outside the bedroom, as well as inside. I also believe in what a lot of tantric teachers promote: living consciously, bringing the orgasm into one’s life and not suppressing its life force and closeting its feeling for the bedroom—connecting the sensuality, expressiveness, spaciousness and passion one feels in the bedroom with what one feels outside the bedroom.

Thanks for the sloppy kisses and rainbow of ecstasy. That sounds enchanting, and shows me that underneath the scars, is a beautiful goddess just waiting to be unwrapped.

Or, to put it crudely, waiting to be f*cked….!

Lots of love, Venus

Part One: “Unlocking Sex—Mars & Venus In Conversation About Unquenchable Orgasms, Love & Lust.”