Nurture the Spirit of the Woman Behind the Mother

Where is that woman you were before motherhood descended upon you? Find her, unearth her and bring her to light. Here are 10 important must-dos for mothers to avoid getting lost in the day-to-day grind of motherhood.

1. Stay Interesting.

Remember the woman you were before you had children. When you have a child the whole world of moms open up to you. Suddenly, you have common ground with a whole group of people who can spend hours on end discussing poops, naps, feeding, gear, tantrums, teething, schools, classes and the list goes on.

I understand that other mothers can be a tremendous support when learning the ropes of motherhood, but be warned: you become an awfully boring person when all you talk about are your kids. Your motherless girlfriends may remain patient through glazed eyes initially, but don’t be surprised if they stop popping by.

As much as your kids will take up a huge part of your life, don’t forget who you were BC (before children) and nurture that woman behind the mother. She’s still there. Feed her spirit instead of living your life through your kids. Make time for your own passions and interests. And hang onto those motherless girlfriends—they will happily assist in keeping the ‘you’ alive.

2. Nurture you.

Do something every day that is just for you and don’t dare feel guilty about it.

We are so good at putting ourselves last, which inevitably means we can miss out day after day after day. Make it a priority. Seriously. If you don’t, no one else will. Have a coffee (or wine) with a girlfriend, workout, take a nap, get a pedicure, facial or massage, read a book, write, study—whatever it is for you, do it daily, not occasionally, not monthly, daily! It will recharge you and remind you of the importance of nurturing you. You will be a better mother, (and a better wife) when you are not feeling completely depleted.

3. Surrender.

If you’re expecting a child and you think family life is going to resemble a Huggies commercial, you’re in for a rude shock.

As amazing and wonderful motherhood is, those adorable little people totally shake your world like nothing else. Let’s be real—it’s the most selfless, exhausting and full-time (24-hour) job you’ll do and it’s hard work. Nothing else on this planet can make you feel like you’re going insane like your children can. They have the ability to push your buttons, test your patience and melt your heart to the extent that you learn a lot about yourself and your limits. There are days when you feel totally on top of the whole parenting business only to have it all come tumbling down within minutes, leaving you feeling like falling into a heap of inadequacy.

Surrender is my only advice. Let it all fall apart and be okay with that. You are only human. Stop worrying about what other people are doing—especially those who appear to have it all under control.

Who cares that you have rice bubbles all over your floor (and in your hair). Who cares that the laundry is piling up. Who cares that you didn’t get around to showering or hitting the start button on the dishwasher. Who cares that your car floor looks like a deli. The reality is your kids are not going to remember how perfect everything was, they are going to remember the time you spent with them and how present you were with them. Don’t get caught up with appearances and looking like you’re picture perfect. Surrender and know that there is no such thing as a perfect mother but hundreds of ways to be a great one.

4. Listen to your heart.

Read as many parenting books as you like but remember that it’s only the author’s point of view. Same goes with your best friend, mother-in-law, the lady at the grocery store or your neighbors—take from their advice what works for you, but I believe that most of parenting is common sense. Listen to your heart and do things your way.

5. Feed yourself

I use to be the biggest foodie hypocrite, insisting on and preparing the healthiest meals and snacks for the kids. I’d feel amazing watching them devour handfuls of blueberries and slices of avocado, while I’d be grabbing the first thing I could get my hands on (usually a cookie or another cup of coffee). Then I’d run out the door and realize I hadn’t eaten anything substantial. Not Good!

Part of nurturing you is honoring your body by filling it with healthy and nutritious foods. Busy Mamas need as much energy as possible. I now start the morning with a smoothie made from banana, strawberries, blueberries, pineapple, oats, linseeds, coconut oil, natural yogurt and a splash of milk. I keep bags full of almonds on my desk and in my car for when I need a snack between meals and try to stay hydrated by drinking a ton of water. It can be hard to eat well when you’re a busy mother, but it needs to be a priority.