Awareness is key to answering those questions.

First, let’s start with what being unaware or disconnected means:

All of those statements are truly fear-based.

They’re a way of life for some, as dissatisfying and disheartening as it is, some people see no other way.

There’s another way, but it takes courage, time and focusing energy inward rather than trying to control the outer circumstances.

First is the realization that you are completely responsible for your life.

No one else creates what you do in a day, just you. Your decisions—whether you feel like you’ve no other choice or not—are all up to you. Period. Stop blaming others. Not happy with how things are? Make a different decision, preferably one that scares the crap out of you. Usually, it’s the best decision for you and you’ll thank yourself later.

Second, value your weaknesses.

You’re already aware of your strengths. But those characteristics, thoughts and ways of being—which you try to hide, pretend don’t exist and may even disconnect yourself from—are what weigh you down. It keeps you stuck in fear to deny your weaknesses. When you don’t embrace all of you, then you’re saying, “I’m not good enough,” or “enough,” to have what I want, because I have these issues. We all feel like we’re not good enough, a lot of the time.  So what? Let it be, share it…you’ll be glad you did.

Third, what truly motivates you?

Not on a surface level to keep up with your neighbor or being a good parent, so no one can judge you. Nope. I’m talking about a deeper inspiration. It may take a bit of uncovering, and answering some pretty direct questions, but getting to know if it’s the demons that drive you, or the neediness of nonfulfillment in the past is a start. And if you can get beneath those drivers, you can reach the truest motivation, “love.” Love is our motivation to live—whether it’s loving others, ourselves or life, try living from that place and not letting fear “lead.” Don’t knock fear out, but let it take a backseat. See what happens. And then do what you really want to do! Get out of your own way!

Fourth, ask yourself, who you are?

Not who you’ve identified yourself to be in the past, because of events that have happened to you, but who are you now?

Once you realize this, you can stop making decisions that are based on the fear of the same thing happening to you again and instead risk it—take a chance and really live your life again! Leave the past in a photo album, step into the present. You play big this way, not small, because you’re living your truth, being authentically who you are, not spending time trying to fix what you think is wrong based on a past misnomer. And if someone wants to argue, it’s a moot point, because you don’t have to change to accommodate someone else’s idea of who you should be. Why would you?

Which leads me to…fifth, acceptance.

Accept you, just as you are, flawed, screwed-up and lovely.

If you have a million and one things, which you obsessively do just to keep you from freaking out, yet would freak out if anyone knew…..accept it and share it. We’re all weird. When we accept our unique details that mortify us, life gets easier. We stop caring what others think. We no longer make false promises. We hold true to who we are, we give from the heart when it feels good and we’re honest when it feels bad.

And the last tip…sixth, be vulnerable.

Be wide open. Let the real you hang out with how you feel, what you think, what has meaning. No manipulations, excuses or other obstacles. Cry, laugh, love freely. If you love someone, tell them. If you want to keep a relationship together, dig deep and open up that beautiful heart. Tell the truth about you. It won’t matter so much, the response you receive, it’ll be more about the freedom you feel, the clarity you receive and the lock of fear melting away.

These are just a couple ways to get clear, know what you want and start on the path to live your dreams, for real!! If you want a little help on the way. Call me.

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Ed: Lynn Hasselberger