I recently clicked on a video that promised it would get rid of my belly fat.

After all, I am in favor of anything that will get rid of my ample midsection, especially if all I have to do is click.

Up until now, I’ve tried dieting, exercising and even prayer, but nothing seems to work. And now everywhere I go, I see offers to get rid of my baby bulge.

I am not alone. According to someone at Harvard University, the United States has a lot of belly fat. In fact, this video on how to get rid of “unsightly belly fat” is at two million views.

First of all, this is a misnomer. Belly fat is not “unsightly.” In fact, it is front and center with absolutely everything I wear. However, I have fixed this: Please see the strategically placed typewriter on my publicity photo.

It used to be that our fascination with weight was seasonal: You can count on weight loss ads in January for resolutions, and in June for bikini season. But again, this is a misnomer as anyone with “unsightly belly fat” usually does not wear a bikini unless they also bring their typewriter along.

Now our national obsession over belly fat has overcome our concerns with revising the gun laws, the economy and environmental issues. In fact, I searched for environmental issues on YouTube, and of the 32,000 videos made by anxious parents of middle schoolers, the most popular had 29,000 views. One had three, two if you don’t count me.

So, just for fun, I put “belly fat” into YouTube, and 613,000 videos came up! You know I can’t make this stuff up. One had three million views (2,999,999 if you don’t count me). Then I put “belly fat” into Twitter and this very handsome man appeared:

Clearly, he does not need my typewriter.

Which brings me to my point: We can put a man on the moon, but we can’t cure belly fat? Or as my girlfriend reminded me last week, we also can’t seem to get consistent cell phone service anywhere outside of Starbucks.

So I went to Livestrong.com, where Lance Armstrong may have a lot of trouble right now but he definitely does not have a spare tire (yuk yuk). And lo and behold, there is an article on belly fat!

According to Livestrong.com, “belly fat is the most dangerous type of fat of all because it could increase risk of high blood pressure, heart disease and stroke.”

But this is the best part; you know what they recommend to cure belly fat? Yoga! Yes, here it is:

“The sun-salutation sequence from yoga, for instance, is a particularly effective exercise to lose belly fat.”

Yes try yoga. Everyone says it works. Or try a typewriter. I cannot promise that yoga actually cures anything, but I can guarantee at least that my typewriter will fix belly fat. Click here for your money-saving offer if you want to buy one now.

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Ed: Kate Bartolotta

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