Want to create a happy relationship or prepare yourself for a future partner?

We must be what we ask another for, first. We must start somewhere and that is within ourselves.

Love is universal. We love others, but we allow so much to get in the way.

If we want happy, healthy, giving, receiving, love, et al.—then begin now.

#1. Love yourself.

Create a grand love affair with you. Don’t wait for someone else to show you love. Love you by taking care of yourself, doing things, which make only you happy. If you derive pleasure in the garden, the yoga mat, hiking, laughing with friends. Do it! Do more of what makes your heart sing.

#2. Remove the picture from your head

Expectations of wanting someone to show up and step onto the pedestal are a fairy tale made for disappointment. We often do this unconsciously; we meet someone and they fulfill our checklist of qualities. We hold them to this checklist and if they vary from it, we get angry. We may blame them for their shortcomings when all along they possessed both light and dark qualities; we just were blinded by the picture.

Burn the picture and be real. Look at yourself realistically and then the other, allow for you both to be human.

#3. Vent the Anger

Misplaced anger is a bitch. Often, we think we’re angry with someone else, but we’re really mad at ourselves for giving our power away. We do it every time we pull, push, become passive, hide or do anything, which kicks confidence to the curb. Create boundaries on how you want to be treated by others and start treating yourself this way. Take the anger and understand its origin, then take that honest appraisal and share it—vent it!

#4. Stop looking to others to dictate your mood or ‘tude

When we allow others’ actions or words to affect our decision-making or our own actions, we’ve no control over our life. We’ve given control away and now are on a whimsical journey inside the mind of another person. Considering most people have over 10,000 thoughts a day, which thought are we connecting to in another person’s head? And why are their thoughts more important than our own? Time to stop and look at how we really feel then allow our actions or words to bring us to where we want to be, really.

#5. Confidence for sure

Confidence is huge. We all have insecurities, but if we allow them to lead we’re going nowhere fast. We’re just looking for someone to fill those holes within us. Our journey is to make friends with our insecurities, and to be confident with all that we are instead of wanting someone else to tell us we’re okay.

#6. Stop the beatings

When you screw up or do something you wish you hadn’t, don’t beat yourself up. Not only would you refrain from saying the things you say to yourself to someone else, but it does absolutely nothing for you. Except make you feel bad. Then you have to pick your sad self up after this internal ass-kicking and get back to ground zero. You’re human and you reserve the right to say stupid shit, screw up and do things you wish you hadn’t, it’s gonna happen, so love yourself even more for those moments. Don’t make them into drama.

#7. Be wrong

Yes! Who cares if you’re right? No one. The scenario creates a winner and a loser, when neither is either. Ha! If the focus is on listening, allowing for more than one POV and playing well with others in the sandbox, you’ve then dropped the shield. Getting along doesn’t mean giving up who you are, it means letting others be who they are and it’s okay.

#8. Self protection is an illusion

Be vulnerable. You’re going to get hurt, get used to it. You’ll be disappointed, learn to be emotionally resilient. Fill the empty space inside of you with love. When you live from an authentic, honest space and share it, you no longer feel the need to protect. Give yourself freedom, the next person doesn’t have to be like the last person.

#9. Do something you love passionately

Engage in life. What do you like to do? Do more of it, not less. Most of us have a bazillion excuses as to why we can’t do what we love. Remove your head let your heart lead you for a day. Do what you love right now with passion.

#10. Learn to be alone well

Find the happiness and a comfortable space in alone time. Explore. Feel anxious? Be with it, what does it say? Stop the busyness, so you aren’t distracted and find the silence, the heartbeat underneath it all and breathe. Find out who you are and what makes you tick.

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Ed: Brianna Bemel