Learning that the practice was as much spiritual as it was physical.

I had a moment at the store the other day. I experienced what I’d lovingly call a modern form of moving meditation. It came through the therapeutic release of shopping for household items.

I went to the store to find some things for my bathroom in my new apartment. As I was wandering, admiring, I got lost in my head and started think about my life. I began to seeing a connection between what I was doing in the store and what I have been doing lately in my life.

I’m an indulgent person.

If I like something, I want it 100 percent, all the time, all at once. I get it, smother it to death, and ruin it.

Call me an equal-opportunity, binge-consumer of all things lovely.

But this part of my life is new. I’ve grown from an interesting life the past few years. My practice of yoga began to blossom on the coast.

Learning that the practice was as much spiritual as it was physical.

Watching my body and my mind change simultaneously was eye-opening. I’ve come to understand that plans you make at 23 aren’t necessarily your dreams at 29. Plans and dreams change as life swirls around you, knocking things seemingly permanent out of place and moving the impossible in front of you.

So this chapter of my life has been fairly unique. I left my job last May, and every step since the moment I made the decision—crying on my bathroom floor in Santa Monica—has been an experiment in seeing what makes me happy and of course, what my ego can withstand to pay my bills. It’s just an ego after all, and bills are just bills.

As I am sorting through the rugs in the store, not allowing myself to buy too much, refraining from going beyond my limits, and listening to what I really need—I’m struck by how similar this is to how I am living my life. How intentional I am trying to be in my world.

This new path I’m walking leaves me little choice but to, piece by piece, select the elements in my life.

I’m determined to mindfully sort out the things that are right for me now and the things that are not. I have to ask myself whether the things that are present in my life serve me.

Each day I am present in wondering whether or not my actions are in line with my goals. Now I see more clearly—my life is a little shopping trip.

It’s my choice what I buy, what I include in my life, where I spend my resources. It just took me a little retail therapy to get there.

There will be times, and they certainly happen more frequently, when I buy more than I should. I select something that isn’t quite right or walk away from something I need. I struggle remembering to take smaller steps, plan little details, and nourish what needs watering. But that’s life. It’s messy. All I can do is walk intentionally in the direction I desire and hope for the best.

I’m coming to see the universe had something else in store for me. Something greater than I could have even known to ask for—something entirely different from my original plan.

My moving meditation, ever-present in my life—if I let it—gives me the time to pause.

It gives me a moment to observe my decisions and invite myself to reconnect with that inner fire—my agni, and ignite myself towards the life I want.

Brianna Wilkins is a yogini and newbie teacher who recently relocated to Tempe, AZ on in search of more soul-gratifying, heart enriching work. Passionate about healthy living and exercise was drawn to yoga during college and the love has only grown as she has grown with her own practice. She recently completed her 200 hour Yoga Teacher Training in December 2012 in Scottsdale, Arizona and is currently rediscovering her talent and love for the written word as a component of her spiritual journey.

 

 

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• Assistant Ed: Josie Huang
• Ed: Brianna Bemel

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