My son doesn’t do meals.

At 13 months, he’s a dedicated grazer. This sends me into a tizzy, daily: Are 14 Goldfish crackers good enough for lunch? How many strawberries provide a daily serving of calcium? Does he have rickets?

I’ve read a lot of parenting guides, focusing especially on the hand-wringing-est parts about nutrition: how without a proper serving of Omega-3’s from fresh caught fish, or a supplement (but not a gummy one!), or breastfeeding well into school age, he will never pass the 2nd grade. And then I saw this gem from David Vienna at “The Daddy Complex”:

I know many people want to stay current with the latest parenting trends—attachment parenting, minimalist parenting, Tiger Mother parenting, et al. Well, I’ve stumbled upon a new technique that will guarantee your child grows up to be an exemplary student and citizen. It’s called CTFD, which stands for “Calm The Fuck Down.” And that’s not a message to give your kids. It’s for you.

This profound parenting advice includes a list examples, to bring the trend into real life situations. A sample:

Stressed that your child exhibits behavior in public you find embarrassing? Calm the fuck down.

So, the next time my son escapes from the high chair in a restaurant and takes french fries from someone else’s plate?  CTFD. At least he’s eating, right?

Spoiler: here is the method itself,

1. Calm the fuck down.

2. There is no second step.

It’s so simple.

I’m trying to put this into practice: My son ate gravel for lunch? My son has a strawberry the size of, well, an actual polyploidy strawberry on his forehead because he fell on the pavement again? My son calls me daddy instead of mommy?

Kate, calm the fuck down.  

And read this again.

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Ed: Bryonie Wise