Real and true beauty is you being you.

A good college friend of mine is married to one of the most beautiful women I’ve ever seen in my life; I see them on Facebook or Instagram and her photos are consistently and completely arresting.

I also met her in person many years ago (while she was wearing straight up pajamas, by the way—come on, it was college!), and I remember it being one of the only times in my life where I was really floored by someone’s beauty. I remember thinking that, beyond being really pretty, she was very cool.

I also remembered thinking that she was probably one of the most grounded, centered people I’d ever met. And even now, her photos reflect that quality.

She totally owns her face and she owns the space she takes up. There’s no self consciousness, no apology in any part of her.

That, to me, is true beauty.

Now—I am human. I have a history of self consciousness about my looks, and it was definitely worse when I was younger. But, I have no memory of feeling threatened or less than around this woman. It was only admiration. And the same thing is true now; there is no feeling of jealousy, or envy, or unworthiness that arises in me when I see this woman’s photos on my feed. Only genuine inspiration, and elevation.

That is what it feels like to be around true beauty. And every aspect of it should be celebrated, and shared. It’s the magic behind attractiveness, the juice behind loveliness. It’s a gift.

Much of the time, however, we allow ourselves to be stuck in jealousy, envy, or despair around people we perceive as more beautiful than we are. Why? The true reason is fear. Fear that we won’t be seen as we see other people who appear to be more lovely, more effortless, have better skin, better hair, nicer eyes. Wading through the jealousy and feelings of unworthiness sets our own beauty free. It lights us up.

Because beauty, true beauty that you can take to the bank, is energetics.

The belief that we are allowed to be seen, allowed to take up space.  That we are worthy.

That’s at the core of grounded, transcendent beauty—and no one can give that to us but ourselves.

Our faces, bone structure, eyes, body, might be a nice package, but what lights them up? What drives them? It’s our energy.

And maybe there’s a person in your life, on your Facebook feed, or in your office who you feel is just so gorgeous and it makes you feel badly about yourself?

The first step is forgiving yourself—you’re human.

The second step is blessing them—blessing their beauty, and releasing them. Because the reason we feel funky around them has nothing to do with them. It has everything to do with us. People who we perceive as being more beautiful than we have the same exact jealousies and insecurities pop up about the next person. Maybe they are even feeling that way about you.

Releasing and blessing beauty allows us to stand back from the fear based response (jealousy, you are less than, you aren’t worthy, you will never look that good), and see that there is room. We find space, and we might even get inspiration, like I did from my friend’s wife. I am most definitely her humble student.

But when there’s no real dharma teaching to be found, so to speak, we bless and release anyway, because it frees us and lights us up with that same energy. It gives us an easy, sweet quality that is deeply attractive. We fall in love with ourselves, too. It helps us to start to believe that there is enough to go around, and it helps us be present.

Being grounded and present in our bodies, wholly and fully, is a deeply attractive quality, but frightening, because it makes us take our hands off the controls. It might just be that morning when you dash out of the house with no makeup on and in your yoga clothes for a quick coffee that your future partner sees you and is arrested by YOUR beauty, not the hot woman in front of you. And you better believe that if you did the same thing and were hating on the hot woman ahead of you instead of just existing and blessing her, your future partner would have missed you. Or your future partner might have proved to be a seeker of negative energy, attracted to your vibes.

And it’s not punishment, right or wrong—it’s simply energy. It’s not the looks, it’s what’s behind them. Assume that it can come at anytime or anyplace.

Your beauty is in your presence, in the way you walk through the world. It’s what people really see when they look at you.

It helps us to believe that despite what we may think about ourselves, hating on someone because they are beautiful is only a short lived distraction from what we don’t accept or believe about our own looks, and it’s time to discard that and upgrade our belief system. We deserve better.

True beauty is in everyone, because everyone has their own particular energy, their own irresistible light. The fastest way to find that same lightness and ease is to take your mind off what is lacking, and begin on a journey of self acceptance, and growth.

Size, body type, hair color, wrinkles—it doesn’t matter.

None of it matters.

Bless it and bless it in others.

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Asst. Editor:  Tawny Sanabria/Ed: Bryonie Wise

{Photo: via Pinterest}