Music, the right kind of music, let me go deep, and cry and really feel everything without trying to control it or fix it.

It was catharsis, plain and simple…

If we fall in love, we suffer sometimes. Even if we are the most evolved of creatures, living mindfully and working to accept the inevitable changes and losses that come with breathing, we suffer.

I’m not even talking about breakups here, about the finality of “over.” There are all of the little losses, like “she doesn’t know I’m alive,” and “he didn’t invite me to meet his parents when they were in town.” There are the unanswered texts, the “maybe this is moving too fast” talks and the misunderstandings that turn into days of agonizing silence.

And in a perfect world, we would not respond to these triggers. We would get all philosophical and think things like “this is life, and pain is part and parcel of the joy of loving connection.” We would sit with that pain until it passed, and return to the present moment with clear heads and lightened hearts.

(I was never very good at that).

Music, the right kind of music, let me go deep, and cry and really feel everything without trying to control it or fix it. It was catharsis, plain and simple, and it was also a kind of “sitting” with the pain in one concentrated session instead of allowing it to seep into every moment of my day and keep me awake at night.

It might not work for everybody, and it’s not magic, but it always left me feeling better. It left me feeling that I was not alone, and that I could move on to whatever was coming, whether that “whatever” was a reconciliation or a breakup, an explanation or an unsolved mystery.

Here are some of my heartbreak songs. I’d love to know what yours are.

1. Grapefruit Moon, by Tom Waits 

2. Busby Berkely Dreams by The Magnetic Fields 

3. Ungodly Hour by The Fray  

4. Thank You for Breaking My Heart by Ben Folds Five 

5. Only Human by Civil Twilight 

6. Make It Without You by Andrew Belle 

7. I And Love And You by The Avett Brothers 

8. Blackird by The Beatles http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BrxZhWCAuQw

9. I Can’t Make You Love Me by Bonnie Raitt 

10. Jar of Hearts by Christina Perri 

11. The One that Got Away by The Civil Wars 

12. White Flag by Dido 

13. Hurt by Johnny Cash 

14. Blue by Joni Mitchell 

15. Hallelujah by Jeff Buckley 

16. Heart Like a Wheel by Linda Rondstadt 

17. Empty by Ray LaMontagne 

18. A Drop in the Ocean by Ron Pope http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LVsrP9OJ6PA

19. Song for the Asking by Simon & Garfunkel 

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Ed: Bryonie Wise