We live in a world where it is more socially acceptable for a man to love me because of the fat on my chest rather than the fat on my stomach.

But how are the two any different?

They are the same chemical makeup, the same mixed drink of

One part genetics

And

Two parts brownie batter.

As I walk, they both jiggle, jiggle, jiggle.

Which is one letter off of jingle and would you look at that, it’s the holidays again.

Thanksgiving has become a time to fear my family not because of what they’ll say, but because of what they won’t.

When the food is placed in front of me, it’s suddenly a battleground.

Filling my plate is a death sentence but then again, so is not.

Eat and get the stares or don’t and get the glares?

But I’ve been trained well enough to choose glares over stares so,

“No food for me, thanks, I’ve already eaten too much.”

When Christmas comes, it’s even worse.

Family members shy away from articles of clothing and those who don’t… guess too big.

“Yes grandmother, thank you for the sweater but I’m not a double extra-large.”

“Yes, thank you for the money. I will use it to buy clothes, thank you for the suggestion.”

My mother says that guys will like me for the fat on my chest,

But not the fat on my stomach.

Losing weight means losing fat means losing chest means losing men’s attractions.

But why do I care?

If they can love me for the fat on my chest, they most certainly can love me for the fat on my stomach.

My chest touches the wall before my nose does, but then again, so does his stomach.

On him it’s called muscle, on me it’s called self-hate.

We live in a world where it is more socially acceptable for a man to love me for the fat on my chest rather than the fat on my arms, the fat on my stomach, the fat on my thighs, on my face, on my neck, the fat on my ankles and the fat on every other part of my body.

Even though it’s the same chemical mixed drink of

One part genetics

And

Two parts brownie batter.

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Assistant Editor: Jennifer Moore/ Editor: Catherine Monkman

Illustration: Erika Walden