Women are beautiful.

I think it goes without saying. Even women know women are beautiful. Watch the way they look at one another. You’re all gorgeous. You know this.

Guys know it too. Yes, we’re looking. You caught us.

Most of the time we’re just browsing. Window shopping. Watching from afar.

When I do get close, the reasons I want to get close, have very little to do with looks. My list of what I find sexy in a woman is mostly about the things you can’t see.

1. Take it Off

No, not your clothes (not yet!). I’m referring to your makeup. I’m attracted to natural beauty. I want a woman who is secure enough to know that she doesn’t have to get made up for me—or anyone else. Honestly, I didn’t notice that blemish. I don’t care about your concealer. I’m looking into your eyes, listening to your words. I’m fawning over your smile. Covergirl can’t make those things any more beautiful than they already are.

2. Free yourself

The world is an incredible place. I want to breath it in. To touch it and see it and experience it. The people and the places. All of it.

That’s why I need a woman who wanders. She wanders because she doesn’t know any other way. She gets cabin fever when she’s outside. She gets lost in the woods and in her dreams. She explores new cities, countries, continents, cultures and chapter after chapter of her favorite book.

She always has a book handy. A notebook too. She writes words and makes art. Her mind is as free as her spirit. The only things more expansive than the list of places she’s been are her vocabulary, her passions and the list of places she still wants to go.

She wants me to go with her too. Happiness is only real when shared she says, quoting Into the Wild. Because this woman has read Into the Wild. She’s practically memorized it. Her copy of this book has the dog ears and marginalia to prove it.

Still, if I can’t go, she’ll go anyway. I love that about her.

3. Fly Solo

To say that she’s independent does her a great disservice. She’s cool doing her own thing. She likes her “me time”. But, she doesn’t want to be alone. She wants to be with me. She told me so. I melt when she does.

She’s not independent in a hard-ass kind of way. She’s not cold. Still some people are threatened by the fact that she can hold her own. She’s not afraid to tell you what she thinks. To point out why you’re wrong. But she listens when I talk. Remembers the details. Asks thoughtful questions. Gives stellar answers. She’s a conversationalist. She’s articulate. And well spoken. It intimidates some people. It bores others. It turns me on.

It’s just that she’s comfortable in her own skin. She knows that I can’t make her whole. She doesn’t expect me to. She’s all over it, working on herself. Self-actualized. Aware. Mindful. Introspective. Thoughtful.

I do want to help though. To inspire her. Support her. Make her go further than she would go on her own. I believe in her.

Yes, I am going to push her. I need her to push back.

I’m going to ask tough questions. I need to understand her.

I want her to have what she wants. I’m going to do everything I can to make sure she gets it. But she doesn’t want things. Money can’t buy what she wants, what we want.

I’m talking about happiness. Honesty. Closeness. Fulfillment. Trust. Authenticity. Connection. Communication.

We both know that those things take hard work. She’s game. I guess she’s not flying solo after all. She could if she had to. But we’re navigating this journey together.

4. All Grown Up

Have you noticed that the sexy being I’ve been describing is a woman, not a girl?

Girls are petty and immature. They play games. Fish for compliments. Go clubbing. Throw tantrums. Girls need attention.

Sure the woman I’ve been describing likes attention. I like giving it to her. But what she’s really after is respect. She knows that it’s earned so she respects herself and her body. She respects me.

Yes, she’s a big girl. A grown up. That doesn’t mean that she’s itching to put down roots and pop out babies. Although she’s mature enough to talk about those things with me. There’s no rush. No pressure. When it’s time, and she knows it’s right, we’ll plan our future. It doesn’t scare her. It excites her. I’m excited too.

5. Come Closer

Yes. Please. All of you! I’m literally going to kiss every single inch of your body. It’s your fault. Stop looking so good.

I can’t help myself when she’s around. She could be sitting on the couch in her pajamas reading a book. I want to jump her. Especially when she’s wearing that sundress and flip flops. Her hair falling in front of her face. She brushes it back behind her ear. Those eyes. Those lips. It’s all over.

Do you know the best part? She is fighting the same battle.

She never kisses me and doesn’t mean it. I’m telling you. Every single kiss is the best kiss. I don’t know how it’s possible. And the sex is like the kisses. Every time is the best time.

She likes when I’m in control. But, isn’t afraid to take over. She prefers that I make the first move. But she won’t hesitate to initiate. I told you, she wants me the way that I want her.

Either way, every way, every position and speed and location is epic because we have an emotional connection that makes it so. We work on making it good the same way we work on ourselves and each other.

We can talk about it when it’s over, before it starts or in the middle of the day. We can talk about what we like and don’t like and want to try. We can talk about everything. Nothing is off limits. That openness. That kind of communication makes our relationship better. It makes the sex better. It brings us closer together.

Do you want to know the sexiest thing about her?

No matter how close we get, clothes or not, we’ll never be close enough. She wants to keep trying. And so do I.

~

Relephant:

10 Things I Find Sexy in a Man (that Aren’t All About Sex).

Love elephant and want to go steady?

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Editorial Assistant: Cami Krueger / Editor: Rachel Nussbaum