Editor’s Note: This website is not designed to, and should not be construed to, provide medical advice, professional diagnosis, opinion or treatment to you or any other individual, and is not intended as a substitute for medical or professional care and treatment. Always, always, always consult a professional before trying out home remedies. 

There are many names for the most wonderful place on earth and a few great natural ways to take care of it.

Okay ladies, we all know when something goes wrong in the “kitchen.” Our undercarriages aren’t quite as fresh as we are used to them being. Sometimes it smells like Brooklyn on a summer day. So what’s a girl to do if her down there is more like a slum than a pristine temple?

The obvious choice is to see an expert: Mother Nature. Granted, there are more serious infections that can cause symptoms including abnormal discharge, foul smell, burning, itching, discomfort during sex, and fatigue. The only way to truly determine what is going on with your C U Next Tuesday is to go to a clinic and get tested for the battery of STDs.

As an aside, what would the world be without STDs, now known as Sexually Transmitted Infection or STI? It could be like Simply Red’s song “Heaven.” Then again, it could be more like Jason Mraz’s song “Butterfly.” On a really good day it would be Jill Scott’s “Crown Royal on Ice.”

The point is this: If you rule out the angry infections and it is just a case of making sure there is no yeast in the oven or bacteria in your twat, there are some great natural cures that will aid in making your butterfly flutter once again.

Here they are:

Allium sativum or Garlic

The best way to take care of yeast is to treat it from its source. First, cut out or lessen sugar intake. Seriously, back away from the cookie jar or your cookie jar will remain an issue. It also helps to stop drinking caffeinated drinks so that your immune system is not taxed with the rise and fall of adrenaline. After you place some sanctions on your diet, the next step is to peel a garlic clove, cut a few slits in it, and stick it up there. The most effective thing to do is let it sit over night and then get it out in the morning.

Probiotics or Good Bacteria

The most common probiotic is known as Lactobacillus acidophilus. These critters are responsible for a healthy digestive track and fending off the overgrowth of yeast. There are many probiotic supplements that can be taken orally. While this is an effective way to balance out the digestive tract, it can do little to nothing to remedy what ails your pussy.

To do that, you will need a turkey baster and an ounce of plain kiefer. The next step is to suck up the ounce of kiefer into the turkey baster, insert into your hot pocket, and launch it into your vag. It helps to wear a panty liner on days you do this. It also helps to do this for three days, and take one day off until the issue subsides.

Melaleuca or Tea Tree Oil

In its concentrated form, this remedy burns: especially on one’s sensitive lady bits. The best way to apply this remedy is to mix a few drops with an equal portion of olive oil, place it on a small tampon, and insert it. It may tingle at first but that will subside. Tea tree is a natural anti-fungal treatment that is more suited for clearing up bacterial vaginosis rather than fending off yeast.

Lastly, the best thing any woman can do in conjunction with these natural remedies is to reduce stress by doing yoga, delegating her workload, letting go of worry and practicing mindful awareness.

Our health can often tell the story of how well we are treating ourselves.

So, for the sake of your yoni and for the good of mankind, take care of your vagina. Your health will thank you. Your sex-life will thank you. The world will thank you.

Thank you.

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Editor: Jenna Penielle Lyons

Photo: elephant archives