“You can kiss your family and friends good-bye and put miles between you, but at the same time you carry them with you in your heart, your mind, your stomach, because you do not just live in a world but a world lives in you.”

~ Frederick Buechner

 

Author’s note: On Monday March 17th, 2014, I resigned from my role as Managing Editor at elephant journal—this is my goodbye love note. 

For as long as I’ve lived (and maybe in some of my other lives as well), I’ve wondered what it is about the goodbyes that break our hearts.

We take joy in the hellos; we celebrate them, we hug, we dance and sing—and the goodbyes are left out in the cold of winter, to the tears, sorrow and sometimes, our own mindlessness. It’s like we forget we were in love—we forget what the first days were together, our first kiss, our first I love you—and we become enemies, when it is in the goodbye that we can make the most magic and find the most grace.

This year has been my year of letting go; of shedding skin and of learning to trust the sound my own heart makes in my chest, even if she is beating alone—especially if she is beating alone.

Here is the problem: lately, I have not been able to hear my heart. Her sound is muffled through my chest and even if I settle quietly into the bath, ready to listen to what she says, she is too tired to speak to me.

When I find the energy to unroll my mat, it is my exhausted tears that show up before I have a chance to unfurl myself and let my bones settle so that my heart can breathe.

This is it, the root of the root, the bud of the bud: we accept the love we think we deserve—and that means the love we give to ourselves, too.

Life is short and my heart is big and it’s time to take care of her, first—are you reading carefully? This is my goodbye, friends and I’m mustering up as much love as I can to make it sparkle.

And so, to all of you, dreamers of dreams who have trusted me with holding your words and reshaping them, I thank you for the honor of allowing me to get to know you in the most remarkable way.

To the beating hearts who have read my words and commented and shared and sent messages sharing your stories, I thank you for the privilege of connecting with you, near and far.

To the magical apprentices that amaze me every single day, thank you for pouring your heart and soul into everything you do and for being brave and strong and true.

To the elephants (Waylon, Lindsey, Colin, Samara, Cat, Rachel, Meg, Renee, Jenna and our newbie, Travis), the-teeny-tiny-but-mighty-staff that maintains a foundation strong enough to hold us all, I thank you above all else.

“The story of life is quicker than the wink of an eye, the story of love is hello and goodbye…until we meet again.”

~ Jimi Hendrix

Relephant reads:

How I Quit My Job to Find My Life’s Work. 

Conversations with a Human Heart.

This is How We Say Goodbye.

Love elephant and want to go steady?

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