Lately my attention has been flowing into what I want more than anything: a meaningful relationship.

A lot can happen when need and desire meet. And though I won’t go into detail here, my love pocket was picked. At some point, I will tell the whole tale with all of the embarrassing details but I fell in love with someone I never met.

And this person was not real as you might think of a real person. He was my virtual lover. He got what he wanted and disappeared. On April Fool’s day, I woke up to find I had been played.

The shame was tough but as Brene Brown points out, if we keep shame to ourselves, it grows. I know I am not a bad person. I am a giving, trusting and caring person.

The man I met online was beyond amazing. He was everything I ever wanted and dreamed a man could be.

So to all you women and men out there meeting folk in the virtual world: beware.

The little bit of money I lost was not the worst, really. And I have too much respect to let that get squandered on a con man.

What I learned is where my attention goes, my energy flows.

I learned I am desperate to be accepted and cherished. I learned I am eager for attention and passion. I learned I want to feel cared for and taken care of though I know I can take care of myself.

And now I am out meeting real people with real bodies having real conversations. I took up pool. I still do the online thing in hopes of meeting someone with whom to share my life.

As much as I love my virtual world, I am tired of my all my conversations happening through a screen.

I am too old to be this naïve, but so it is.

I live. I love. I learn. I move on.

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Editor: Catherine Monkman

Photos: elephant archives