The 3 Naughty Things I Do With Coconut Oil. {Adult}

Green is Sexy.

I admit that I can talk about/write about/think about relationship-related topics until the cows come home.

Only thing is, most of the cows are already home in their industrialized farm pens and haven’t roamed anywhere.

Sex sells, baby. That’s the bottom line.

So how the hell do we make the field-roaming-happy-cows-animal-rights-save-the-planet-stand-up-for-equality-say-no-to-war-say-no-to-corporate-corruption-actually-important news sexy?

See also: The Benefits of Coconut Oil.

The reality is we are all guilty of succumbing to titillation. We are human, but still we are animals. Even the do-gooders.

I was going to write a blog about how to get greener for the no-time-for-it no-gooders, but most people are more interested in, “How to Make a Man Fall in Love in Six Words,” or, “How to Survive a Relationship Crash and Burn”, or, “How to Have the Best Orgasm”, so now I’m combining what the world needs to read with what the world wants to read.

Don’t worry, I’ll get to the naughty bits, this isn’t a bait and switch…

But first, why it’s important to care about the Earth. Forgive me, I know we’re all here for the juicy stuff.

Top Three Reasons to Practice Going Green for Those Who Don’t Give a Shit About Going Green.

(Why preach to the choir, right?)

1. Going green saves you money.

That’s right, going all earth-friendly saves us our hard-earned gluten-free dough. How? Okay, a few quick examples.

• Animal protein and packaged products are more expensive than going octo/ovo/pesco vegetarian or vegan. Yeah, even if we’re buying all organic. I’ve tried it both ways (naughty innuendo inserted to keep my end of the bargain: titillating reading), and I know first hand that switching from Sally Hog to quinoa and couscous is simply less expensive.
• Also, from-scratch is also healthier, tastier and hello—way sexier! Man or woman mixing it up in the kitchen with raw, earthy, wholesome goodness gets my motor running. But how does this save money? Healthier equals lower medical associated costs. (And he’ll get extra cardio *wink* by impressing me with his culinary skills.)
• If we don’t insist on sustainable, earth-friendly resourcing, we are all going to be paying big corporations through the nose for the water we use to wash our smug faces with. And everything else.

2. Getting green leads to getting laid.

That may be a stretch, but bear (bare?) with me. Eco-consciousness shows heart and compassion for something greater than the self. Not sure about anyone else, but in my book Selfish ≠ Sexy. No way around this. If a guy knows how his actions affect the world we are leaving to future generations and simply doesn’t give a shit—not cool. Ignorance is one thing—a difficult flag to wave nowadays—but a flat out, “who f’in cares” attitudes spells, “No, thanks dude,” from me. And not to put too fine a point on it, but who would most people rather “hang” with: the yoga hottie vegan or the hamburger hound at Rotten Ronnie’s? (Hey, I’m just asking the questions here. Yeah, I realize I’m not making friends. Sometimes, advocacy requires sacrifice.)

3. Going makes you realize you don’t need a bunch of material STUFF

Greening up our lives gets us out of the red and into feeling pink, as in, we realize we don’t need so many needful things. Not only does this additionally save us money and flip the bird at big business, but it also frees us from attachment and that never ending jonesing to catch up with the Joneses.When we care about not adding more damage to the Earth, we subtract the drive of our ego. We are content without unnecessary things and can focus instead on contributing in ways that add actual value to our lives and to others’ as well. Giving, helping, loving. Making love is environmentally friendly and costs nothing. Which brings me to… one of my favorite ways to go green.

See also: The 3,000 Year Old Secret to Mindful Sex

3 Naughty Things I Do With Coconut Oil:

1. Masturbate. You betcha. There it is. Hope the read was worth the wait.
2. Massage my lover—if I had one. (Self-explanatory.)
3. Mention it in a naughty context to entice readers to click on this post, but for a good (green) cause, of course.

Hope this was at least entertaining and perhaps a bit educating if not titillating.

Be sexy, vote (green) with your dollar!

Bonus: tips to Enlighten your Sex Life:

Relephant Links (provided by the author):

Get Sexy: Support green companies like these.

Robert Redford: Still damn sexy, here’s why.

Ready to make some small changes? Here’s 15 to choose from. I love you for adding any of them. And I thank you.

Relephant:

Oil Cleansing: How to Have Amazingly Clear & Radiant Skin. 

Bonus!

Coconut oil may be sexy, but our tea bags aren’t:

Love elephant and want to go steady?

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Editor: Travis May

Photo: Jonas Tucker: https://unsplash.com/photos/hFmKsMj_01I

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