I understand, mentally at least, that real change—transformation—isn’t just possible; it’s the way life works.

Who we are, our “identity,” is not a static thing, and who we become is primarily based on the choices we make, the thoughts we think and the company we keep.

And by what we think we are capable of.

Change happens in an instant, it just often doesn’t feel that way. It can feel like a lifetime—days, months, years—and how long it takes is usually in direct proportion to how much accomplishing the change would completely alter the one doing the changing. The moment we come to the heart of the matter, freely choose to part ways, alter paths, end relationships, start anew—that’s the instance of transformation.

When whatever fears and “what ifs’ have been sufficiently vanquished to allow the momentum of what the heart really wants to gain enough traction to leap over the resistance—the crap.

The pain of remaining the same becomes greater than the fear of change.

Once we’ve moved this mountain, chosen, firmly set the intention for what we truly want—it seems only fair that things in our external world would immediately line up with our shiny, new internal condition. Unfortunately, that’s not how I’ve found it to work. Life seems much the same, really. In fact, the things that bugged us the most—the things that made us most itch to grow bigger—those will be more annoying than ever.

The trick is to expect the trouble, to welcome it in—tell it you can’t wait to learn all of its secrets (easier said than done…I know). Because in order for our external circumstances to change what really needs to change is how we respond to the exact same conditions that caused us to want to be different in the first place.

Our relationship to the things that are no longer meant for us must change.

If we are successful in this, then we prove we are worthy of new challenges, new circumstances and new choices. If we react to something that previously limited us in a novel way—a way more aligned with who-we-want-to-become—a million different doors previously not available to us will appear. We will radically alter the potential futures available to us, and it begins with our conscious choice to choose better.

To choose to align with our values and our best and highest vision for our lives.

If what we really want is a champion, then we should choose that with our entire being—and not settle for anything less. This means being willing to say hell no when chumps show up instead (and they will show up…it’s inevitable).  It’s just a test to see how serious we are—to see how deeply that new resolve is rooted. That means we are this close to making to stepping into our new way of being.

This path is not for wusses—it’s the warrior’s way.

Being willing to say no, choose differently and be uncomfortable is how we earn the right to captain our own transformation.

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Editor: Renée Picard

 Photo: Ian Craig/Pixoto