“People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” ~ Maya Angelou

We’ve all had those relationships, hookups or whatever we want to call them where there was no closure.

We were left to dissect the pieces and play detective, to figure out where it all went wrong. We tend over analyze what happened. Is there some crazy mathematical equation on why it all went to shit? However, sometimes it’s nothing at all. Sometimes it has nothing to do with us. Sometimes we just fall for the right person at the wrong time—or heck, the wrong person!

All we know is that the other party has ever so gracefully, or not so gracefully, left us sitting, waiting, wishing, wondering.

Some of us lash out. Send mean texts. Call and express our “love” for them, trying to woo them back. Write coded Facebook statuses. Some write blogs…all in hopes that some amount of closure will come knocking on our door with an answer to that complex mathematical equation that we have formulated within our minds.

Over time I’ve learned it is not closure from the other person I need, it is closure within myself that I need to move on.

No one likes rejection or failure, but it happens. We must take the time to sit back and meditate on why we feel rejected, why we feel like we have failed, why it failed. Find what it is within us that breeds these insecurities.

Why do I not feel adequate enough? Was I not beautiful enough? Did I say something wrong? Did I snore? Did me having my own mind and thoughts scare him away? Why am I not worthy? Where did I go wrong?

We may not find the answers we are looking for from the other soul, and it may take a lifetime to answer these questions about ourselves, but at least we are being cognizant of our feelings, our emotions, our desires and our needs. It gives us the openness and tools to work out our demons, break down our walls and build up our hearts for the next journey.

We cannot burn the bridges of past lovers.

As much as we want to go all General Sherman on them, don’t—because at one point in our life, we shared something that was beautiful, that brought a smile to our face, to their face. We shared our life’s dreams and goals, we shared memories, and we shared each other’s body, heart and soul.

If they come knocking on our closed door, we must be open and honest. We must not speak out of hurt or anger by belittling, patronizing or offending them. We must speak to them in a calm and mellow tone, taking away the hurt— but not the feelings. Hurtful talk brings up more pain, words we wish we could take back.

Talking with our feelings can let them see the depth of the situation, the true depth and colors of our soul.

By doing this, both parties can grow from the relationship and the situation, better prepared for the next journey life takes them on.

Spread love. Forgive. Forget the pain. Be in the present moment, not in the past and not in the future.

Just breathe and let it be…and close that door ever so gently.

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Editor: Catherine Monkman

Photo: Katie Brady/Flickr