*Disclaimer: Elephant Journal articles represent the personal opinion, view or experience of the authors, and can not reflect Elephant Journal as a whole. Disagree with an Op-Ed or opinion? We’re happy to share your experience here. 

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Dear Elephants,

Welcome to this week’s “Let’s Talk about Sex” weekly advice column! 

Sex is the most natural things we humans do, but everyone is afraid to talk about it! To live a truly free life we need mind, body and spirit to be connected. This is a column for Mindful sex, love and relationships. Break the taboo and ask me any burning questions. Don’t be shy- your questions will be anonymous.

To ask questions for next week, please email me at [email protected]. 

Let’s build community…leave comments on the comment board—I love it when you talk back to me!

~ Psalm

“When someone shows you who they are, believe them; the first time.” ~ Maya Angelou

When is it time to let go of a relationship?

Are you addicted to a bad relationship?

This is one of the most difficult things to know because relationships involve feelings of loyalty and trigger our fears of abandonment. It can be especially difficult to get out of emotional roller coasters when love and sex are involved.

Is it healthy?

Is it destructive?

As you are on your journey to create a healthier life, sometimes you outgrow a relationship.

Remember that relationships are about shared habits. When your habits change, you may have to cut off old relationships just like you would cut out unhealthy old habits.

You have a homework assignment:

Watch the video and then think of your most difficult relationship right now. It may be a job or friendship, not just a romantic relationship.

Now ask yourself which category this relationship needs to go into:

1. Sanity

In this choice, you decide that the good outweighs the bad in the relationship and that you are ultimately growing. Be sane by releasing the expectations that this person will change and learn to accept them and enjoy them for who they are.

2. Insanity

Get out of this choice as soon as possible! 90 percent of people get stuck in relationship insanity—this is when you stay in a relationship but are angry all the time because the other person can’t match your expectations. Either change the expectations to be in the sanity choice, or move to the 3rd choice—change.

3. Change

It is scary and difficult to change, because even relationships that torment you and drive you crazy exist because on some level you enjoy the drama and are afraid to let go.

Trust that something better is coming if you release your unhealthy attachments and addictive love patterns.

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Editor: Emily Bartran

Photo: elephant archives