The art of making love is a life-long practice, and most of us are perfectly fine with that. But as your sexual savvy ripens, here are a few time-tested and relatively new sexual techniques that may enrich your journey and help enhance your lovemaking.
1. Coital Alignment Technique
An easy technique that enhances intimate connection is the coital alignment technique. The man slides two to four inches forward from the typical missionary position. Instead of resting on his elbows, his arms should cup his partner’s shoulders so his body lies flat against hers. Both partners’ spines should be straight, and the base of his penis should naturally rub the woman’s clitoris.
The woman’s legs should be straight out and touching his while she pushes her pelvis upward about two inches. At this point, the man can push down gently to give a little resistance. With this technique, there is no in-and-out movement; it’s an up-and-down rocking. To bring him in deeper, the woman can spread her inner thighs even wider and wrap her ankles gently around his calves. With your bodies moving so closely together and in unison, it’s a subtle yet very pleasurable way to make love intimately.
2. Riding the Waves: Make Your Orgasm Last
Here’s a technique you can do with a partner or alone. It’s an ancient sexual practice designed to delay pleasure and thereby heighten your eventual release.
It’s very simple: Bring yourself—or you and your partner should bring each other—just to the brink of orgasm, but not over the threshold. Stop all movement and stimulation. Take a deep breath in and squeeze your genital muscles. Feel the energy rise through the center of your body. As you exhale, feel the energy drop back down. Do this three times. On the fourth, go for the reward: Full release!
Practicing this technique alone is recommended if you typically orgasm quickly or if you’d just like to prolong the lovemaking experience with your partner.
3. Sensual Massage: The Art of Touch in Making Love
Sexual technique is not always about doing super tricks in bed. Much of lovemaking occurs before the act of intercourse even begins. In part, knowing how to be a good lover means knowing how to touch. Sensual massage is a wonderful way to connect to your partner, and to learn what feels good to him/her. It is also a very bonding act. Three basic types of massage can be practiced.
There’s a general soothing massage, where you simply use oils or lotion and gently rub your lover’s body head to toe. In a body-to-body massage, you use your own body to assist in the massage, sliding up and down his/her back, using hair, nails or even playful bites. Some massage sessions may progress to masturbating your partner as part of the rub-down. Pay attention to your partner’s reactions as you massage or establish ahead of time what type of massage you will give/receive so that both of you achieve the maximum pleasure.
4. Stoke the Fire with Erotic Talk
Don’t underestimate the power of words and erotic talk as a first-rate sexual technique. Erotic talk can be done during sex or when you and your partner are not together and want to keep the flames burning (having phone sex, for example).
However, many people are at a loss about what to say during sex. Sometimes it helps not to think of it as talking “dirty” to your partner. Simply telling him/her what you would like to do with him/her is arousing enough. Alternatively, you can share a fantasy or an erotic dream.
Keep in mind that your partner may have difficulty opening up verbally. Respect that. Always pay attention to your lover’s comfort level.
5. Pump the PC Muscle to Heighten Pleasure
The pubococcygeus muscle, or PC muscle, is located at the bottom of the pelvis and connects the anus and genitals to our legs and the bones we use for sitting. It controls the opening and closing of the urethra, seminal canal, vagina, and anus.
How does this information translate into a sex technique? By strengthening this muscle, men can stay erect longer by stimulating blood flow to the penis. Women benefit by being able to hold the penis more tightly in the vagina.
Here’s a technique to strengthen the muscles: Squeeze or contract the muscle as quickly as you can 10 times in a row. Inhale and hold the last contraction for 10 seconds then release as you exhale. You can do this anywhere. At work, watching TV, in the car… Women can practice this rhythmic contracting and squeezing while her partner penetrates her for added stimulation of the penis and heightened pleasure for herself.
6. An Extra Thrust For Deeper Penetration
Once you’re in the penetration stage of lovemaking, there is a technique men can use to thrust even deeper than they may have realized they could. Some positions, such as the Blossoming Flower—or any other position where the woman’s legs are spread and her hips are even slightly elevated—are best for this technique.
On the in-thrust, just when you think you cannot go any deeper, pause for a second, then press just a little further right before you pull back, as though you’ve just swum a lap and are pushing off the wall of the pool. Start slowly at first, to build a rhythm, then you can begin to move faster if you wish.
Your partner should begin to anticipate the final deep push and may even instinctively assist by relaxing her vaginal muscles slightly (to let you in further) or lifting her hips a little higher. For both partners, that extra little push goes a long way toward more intense pleasure.
7. The Art of Seduction
One of the best sexual techniques anyone can learn is how to seduce your lover. It’s not as complex or time-consuming as it may seem. Sometimes, just a simple compliment such as, “You’re so beautiful/handsome” will do wonders for your lover’s self esteem and make him/her more willing and excited to be close to you intimately.
Alternately, you can write a love letter and leave it in a place you know s/he will find it when you are not around. It’s almost guaranteed your lover will be thinking of you all day and will want to get back to you for some lovemaking. If you’re out together, why not flirt the way you did when you first met? Flirting is a wonderful way to keep love fresh and alive.
No matter how you choose to seduce, do something new every once in a while just to let your partner know you care.
8. Warm Up with Sex Toys
Sex toys make a great addition to your sex life, especially when the two of you need a change of pace. If you both decide you’re amenable to it, introduce something simple into your lovemaking like a vibrator.
Men can use a vibrator to help arouse a woman and stimulate her natural lubrication. Perhaps one of the most important sexual techniques a man can learn is how to properly lubricate his partner before he enters her.
Women can use a vibrator on her lover by gently moving it across his testicles and perineum. Be sure to move slowly, here, as this is a sensitive area, and some men are more sensitive than others. In both cases, let your lover tell you what feel right.
9. Know Your Erogenous Zones
Basically speaking, the erogenous zones are the areas of the body where we feel heightened sensations of physical pleasure. There are a lot of them for most women and men. Learn them.
Each person is different, so don’t expect that your lover will like the same things as you do or a previous lover did.
Massage is a wonderful way to find these zones, but general touching during lovemaking is the only sure way to discover what your partner does (and doesn’t) respond to. Areas to investigate are nipples, earlobes, neck, scrotum, bellies, feet, inner arm, the small of the back and even armpits.
Since we have nerve endings all over our bodies, almost any body part is capable of delivering pleasure signals to our brains. You’ll never know until you try.
10. Putting on the Sock (from Kama Sutra)
Everyone knows how important foreplay is to lovemaking. A great arousal technique, “Putting on the Sock,” comes from the Kama Sutra. “Putting on the Sock” may sound a little odd, but it is actually highly erotic.
The woman lies on her back, while the man sits between her legs and puts his penis at the entrance of her vagina. Slowly, he caresses her vagina with his fingers. The anticipation of penetration is enough to get both of you very aroused, but this is just the beginning.
Next, the man slowly replaces his fingers with his penis, using it (instead of his fingers) in the stroking motion. The continued stroking furthers arousal and should create more than enough natural lubrication. Once the woman is sufficiently turned-on, the man can end the technique by entering his partner.
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Reality Check: I’ve tried every technique on this list…and a few more that rightfully didn’t make the top 10. (You’re welcome.) If you’ve had any experiences with those listed here—or would like to add your own—please share in the comments below.
Whether you and your partner choose to incorporate these techniques into your lovemaking or not, the important thing to remember is that human sexuality is not about impressing your partner with acrobatics and wizardry between the sheets. Above all, sex is communication. It is the sweet song we sing to one another with our bodies. There is no right way to sing this song as long as we do it with loving intention. Stay awake and aware. Be playful. And keep talking.
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