“By three methods we may learn wisdom: first, by reflection, which is noblest; second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience, which is the bitterest.”

~Confucius

Life is paradoxical, yet simple.

The two wings of the bird are needed for her to fly high and glide with grace. With just one, she won’t be able to get off the ground. We, too, need two dovetailed qualities.

Mindfulness isn’t enough; we need compassionate action too. Mindfulness, or daily life practice, or being, must be paired with action, with compassion or doing.

Hope and fear are also two sides of the same coin. So are attachment and aversion. Life is a matter of precarious balance. Holding on and letting go.

And then there is birth and death. No matter how many times we read or think about the fact that life is impermanent and ends in death and that everything is actually changing all the time, it only really sinks in when we experience drastic change or huge loss.

We want a sense of control.

We want, as Pema Chodron says, “solid ground beneath our feet,” a firm foundation of righteousness and security on which to stand. (But when we think we’ve got it, this is an illusion.)

We want to know things. We want to understand.

We want to be present, mindful, happy, inspired, inspiring. This is a worthy path. Yet it’s important to remember that living in the present moment 100 percent of the time isn’t actually very practical. Sometimes, we think about the past and reflect. Sometimes we feel nostalgic. Sometimes we dwell on or obsess about things from the past. This is when we want to heighten awareness and note our tendency toward rumination (or whatever it may be).

Wisdom comes through time, reflection on experiences, lessons learned in daily life and relationship.

My intent is to be present as much of the time as possible, paying attention to what I’m doing, who I’m with, where I am, my mind and body, my actions and influences.

Sometimes, I think about the past. Sometimes, I plan for the future, knowing however that those plans will serve as a guide, a vision and not an expectation or delusion.

Maturation of mindfulness occurs with time and discipline.

Buddhist teacher Gil Fronsdal suggests there are always three things happening in any situation: What’s happening? What are you doing? How are you? They work together and overlap.