Until we are in love with ourselves and totally accept who we are, it will be almost impossible to connect with anyone else who values us in this same way.

The first, most important thing we must do for our well-being is to ignite this love inside our own hearts.

Self-love. The ultimate gift we can give ourselves.

For years, I struggled to understand this. I went down so many wrong paths searching for something or someone who could validate who I was. Relationships, religions, spiritual paths and friendships all too often led me through murky waters.

All this did was confirm the ridiculous theories inside my own head that I wasn’t good enough. I felt I deserved the horrible experiences and sometimes very dangerous situations I put myself in, all because I didn’t know how to accept or love myself.

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” ~ Rumi

I vividly remember the moment it all changed. It seemed so obvious and easy, I had no idea how I had not known that all along it was right there with me, inside me.

All I had to do was learn how to connect with it.

The answer was simple: understanding how to radiate my own energy and vibrations. My own inner awareness of who I was was already there, I just had to radiate it outward.

The very second I did, I felt my whole life change.

I felt love for myself, finally. And not just any love, unconditional love.

To connect with the love within is like a mini meditation. It can take seconds, or you can spend hours deeply meditating, depending on how you feel at the time. All you need to do is close your eyes, calm your mind of any thoughts you are having and go deep inside yourself.

Connect with your inner being. Imagine there is a warm glow or even a fire of love burning strong. Let the feeling you have inside overcome any negative thought processes that are eating away at your mind. Just allow the vibrations on the inside to grow stronger until you feel that your heart and mind are full of love.

As soon as this radiation of love breaks out, others will feel it too.

We instantly appear warmer, more accepting of others and people may actually comment on it, as though they are witnessing your aura.

Your eyes will sparkle, your smile will be broader and all the energy surrounding your body will change and this will be felt on the outside, instantly. Things that may have irritated us moments before will suddenly be seen through the eyes of love, helping us to deal with everything differently.

Think positive thoughts, we are truly magnificent and unique beings on this earth, regardless of anything that we have said or done in the past.

We are all human and we all make mistakes. Accept them, learn from them, do not allow them to become who we are. Our errors have taught us things that we needed to know and it helped us to get to know ourselves better.

Each one of us deserves love, regardless of anything we tell ourselves. We deserve heaps and heaps of it. It absolutely has to begin within.

We will then naturally draw others close to us whose energy aligns with ours. When we feel such love for ourselves, it will be much more difficult for others to penetrate this and cause us the same suffering.

Patterns and behaviours will change.

Our interactions with others will change and we will also stop allowing people to treat us in ways that are unacceptable.

The way we communicate will be different and this will have a positive effect on others and we will see changes in other people, too.

Once we change, it is amazing to notice the difference in other people’s actions and behaviour towards us as well.

Tell everyone you know: “My happiness depends on me, so you’re off the
hook.” And then, demonstrate it. Be happy, no matter what they’re doing.

Practice feeling good, no matter what. And before you know it, you will not give
anyone else responsibility for the way you feel—and then, you’ll love them all.
 The only reason you don’t love them is because you’re using them as
your excuse to not feel good.

It will take practice and also patience.

I still trip up often and I feel myself going down the same critical paths that used to lead to destruction. However, now I am much quicker in picking myself back up and showing myself love instead of blame and anger.

Learning to love ourselves can happen instantly. However, we will continuously need reminders as in the heat of the moment, it is too easy to get caught in old patterns and routines.

Just take a breath, take a moment, close your eyes, feel your heart—the rest is oh, so easy!

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Editor: Emily Bartran

Photo: Amani Omejer