December 4, 2014

Better Parenting—Doing 1 Thing at a Time.

0 Boost Score Andra Brill (1,510,185)

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I’m a huge believer that practicing mindfulness makes me a better parent.

Among other things, being mindful reminds me to slow down. Sometimes, slowing down is really the best thing—only thing—I can remember do as a parent when what I really want to do is throttle someone (like my daughter).

For example, I’ve noticed that on the days when I practice sitting meditation in the morning I am more balanced and able to really listen to my kid when she starts to loose it. Today, for example, she wanted to go out for dinner and was heading for a huge hangry fit.

On my less skillful days, I end up trying to reason with her, which really never goes well for either of us.

Instead, today I listened, gave her some space to be fussy and then changed the subject. That was the end of it. I’m not always this lucky but things seem to go better when I am able to think about how I want to respond to my daughter rather than just emotionally reacting.

Along with slowing down, my most favorite parenting practice is one thing at a time. Recently I asked my daughter what she thought the most important thing was to me and she said, “One thing at a time. That’s what you always say.”

One thing at a time is helpful for lots of reasons, mostly because our brains don’t actually multi-task as well as we’d like to think. And I model one thing at a time for my daughter so that she too can learn to focus on one thing at a time.

Personally, I just find life to be way more enjoyable when I’m not trying to do a million things at once or set up an art project and look for a lost toy while I’m trying to prep dinner. I look for good stopping points and then switch my attention.

My daughter is used to hearing me ask, “What am I doing right now?” She knows that after she says “Making dinner” I’m going to respond with the fact that I can only do one thing at a time and that I will help her as soon as I can.

I like to tell myself that this also teaches her patience.

The beauty of the one thing at a time practice is that it lets me off the hook for trying to get everything done all at once.

I used to think that I was great at multi-tasking but then I had a kid and realized that I really wanted to be as present as possible with her and that I don’t want to be a multi-tasking mama.

One thing at a time might not be for everyone,but I’d love to hear if it’s something that you do too or if you decide to give it a try. ~