In my previous article, “The Art of Sensual Massage,” I talked about the importance of creating intimacy with your partner using non-sexual touching.

In this installment, we’ll take the intimacy a step further by introducing the sacred sexual to your relationship with hands-on attention.

Hand it to Yourself

Let’s talk first about hands. We use them all day long for mundane actions like eating, writing, driving, texting, bathing, picking things up and putting them down…

At the start of any kind of intimate touching—whether it’s massage or lovemaking proper—it’s important to shift gears. Before you begin laying those magical body parts on your lover in any way, take a moment to place your palms together and set an intention for what you would like your lover to feel during your session.

Rub your hands together to warm them, setting the intention to change the function of your hands from utilitarian tools to vehicles of transcendence.

Erotic Massage: The Basics

Erotic massage is similar to a typical body massage, except that the genitals are also included as part of the treatment. For men and women, the massage begins the same way—with slow, soothing strokes and rubbing along the back, neck legs, arms, belly, face and head.

During erotic massage, however, introduce the genitals as subtly as you can. Do this by brushing them lightly with your fingertips (or long hair, if you have it) as you work your way down to the legs, and back up. This serves to awaken arousal, preparing the body for sexual attention.

Keep your movements slow and peaceful. (Note: If your partner falls asleep, don’t be upset; this is the biggest compliment you can get! You can always try again another time.)

Bonus Tip: The longer you “tease”—by brushing or actually massaging the inner thighs and letting a finger or two stray against the genitals as you do so—the more excited your lover will be when you begin more direct stimulation.

Erotic Massage for Women

Pay attention to her body as you touch her. She will indicate she’s ready for more intense sexual touching either by opening her legs (giving you better access), rotating her hips a little, or giving verbal cues like moaning or directly saying how good your touches feel.

Begin slowly, by lightly stroking the outside of her vagina. Before any penetration with your fingers, be sure you’ve adequately lubricated them. Note: Never use massage oils or lotions internally unless the bottle indicates that it is safe to do so.

Continue to touch other parts of her body as well. Even as you arouse her genitally, you will also be giving her a full-body experience.

Erotic Massage for Men

Giving a man a truly great erotic massage involves delaying orgasm as long as possible.

If you know your partner well enough to know when he’s just about to hit the point of no return, good for you. If not, your partner should make some sort of signal for you to stop before he ejaculates. Don’t withdraw your hands completely; simply slow your movements or switch to a deep thigh massage, using the same rhythm as you had just been using on this penis. (Changing rhythm can be too jarring and you’ll lose the mood.)

Continue the stimulation/retraction sequence at least three times. The resulting orgasm will be much more intense.

A well-delivered massage—erotic or otherwise—can be as deeply intimate as the sexual act itself. Sometimes even more so. By incorporating tender touching into our regular couple-time, we open the gates of connection between ourselves, our beloved, and the third being between us: the relationship itself.

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Author: Rachel Astarte

Editor: Emily Bartran

Photo: John Haynes Photography/Flickr