“I want to be thoroughly used up when I die, for the harder I work the more I live. I rejoice in life for its own sake. Life is no “brief candle” for me. It is a sort of splendid torch which I have got hold of for the moment, and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to future generations.” ~ George Bernard Shaw

What do you want out of this life?

I want to dance until my stomach aches from twisting and twirling and spinning. I want to feel my mind melt into my hips and legs until I am seaweed. I want to  drive on desert roads with a seldom smoked hand-rolled cigarette, a blazing sun through the roof, a song that pushes the tears from my ribcage and a bare foot on the gas pedal. I want warm wind blowing through my hair, dark coffee that pulses through my veins and licorice that sticks to my teeth.  

I want to laugh at wit. I want to laugh at my own stupidity. I want to laugh at the lips of dogs and the seriousness of a baby’s stare. I want to laugh at the government when I feel I could cry instead. I want to giggle at perverse ideas and never, never grow up

I want wine and a little fire of juniper wood. I want stars. Stars that fall on me and envelop every orifice until I become a part of the sky. I want warm clean socks inside of my sleeping bag and a good soft hat over messy hair that smells like summer. I want the oils of jasmine, myrrh, vanilla and rose to caress my skin and I want coconut oil and aloe to soften my sunburns.

I want to say yes to adventures that spark out of madness and I want them to lead to more yes’s and nights of bold plans that may never happen. 

I want music. I want music that carries the weight of everything this world bears down on it and turns it into beauty. I want poetry. I want the moon and the setting sun over the canyons and the ocean and the smell of the redwoods and the wet ferns in autumn. I want the silence of midnight snowfalls in Colorado. I want the electric green of sage to permeate my senses forever.

I want to love without borders and lines and compartments. I want to never hurt but always heal and, if I cannot do that, I want to at least try and do no harm (but take no sh*t). I want to inspire and be inspired. I want to fly from the paradigms of culture until I am high enough to see it without ego. I want to swim low into the depths of myself without the fear of getting lost and I want to explore the caves of society with hope and bravery.

What do I want? I want to live every moment. 

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Author: Jillian Prendergast

Editor: Caroline Beaton 

Photo: via the author