This is part two in a series. Read part one here.  

Some women are drawn to emotionally unavailable men.

At a certain point while dating an unavailable guy, they reach some frustration.

As one woman said to me recently, “I was banging my head against the invisible concrete wall of his heart.”

Most women are dealing with an unavailable guy backwards.

For example, when I was an unavailable guy in my former life, I attracted a lot of women who were drawn to the mystery of my lack of openness.

They wanted to crack the code of my heart and I wasn’t willing, or able, let them in.

I didn’t even know I was blocking them out or pushing them away.

And, guess what, the more I struggled, the more they tried to help.

Did that work?

No.

In fact, them trying to help drove me further away.

The women I dated were making the same mistakes a lot of women make. As I said in my last post, there are three big mistakes women make when trying to get an unavailable man to connect with them.

Go watch that video if you haven’t already and read my post “Women, stop doing this to your man.”

But there’s good news…there is another way.

What is it?

Watch this video where I explain what to do instead. In this video, I share one “trick” that will get an unavailable man to want you, pay attention to you, and open his heart to you.

Seriously.

Check it out.

What’s the trick in case you didn’t watch the video?

It’s really quite simple.

So, instead of EHH, the trick is this:

Take the attention off him, and begin to focus on your own life, your empowerment, and how amazing you are.

In other words, focus all of your attention on you.

That’s right.

No need to wait around for scraps that resemble affection from him.

I guarantee you, when you focus on your own self care, self love, and self empowerment, he’ll do one of three things:

1. Be inspired and snap out of his fog
2. Feel intimidated and check out further
3. Get clingy, needy, and desperate

All have benefits.

Think about it. When we see someone getting empowered in their life the normal human reaction is to get inspired.  Or we compare ourselves and get jealous, thus collapsing into our own inadequacy. Or finally, we start to feel threatened and this wakes up our desire to not be left alone.

Men do the same thing being around amazing women. They rise to meet them, they shut down and feel small, or they get needy.

But women who continue to do what they’ve always done by trying to “crack the code” of a shut down man’s heart, keep both parties stuck in the middle thus eroding the relationship over time.

This is an awful dynamic to be in. I was the guy in this everytime.

Women who date unavailable guys, slowly without knowing it, start to make it a project to “figure him out” to “get inside his head” and to “get him to love me.” It’s subtle and happens slowly over time.

And, when women do this, they lose themselves every single time.

They lose track of Self, what matters most to them, and drift from their own empowerment.

Why try to get love from someone who can’t, and won’t give it to us?

This is futile because these types of men do not value intimacy in the same way that women who are frustrated with them do. 

Trust me, I see it again and again.

Women don’t need to work that hard to get love.

Really, they don’t. 

So, if you are this woman, no need to lose yourself over time, trying to “get” the love you want by convincing your man to change.

If you do want an unavailable man to want you, then pay attention to you, embrace you, stand in your brilliance and stop tolerating men who can’t, or won’t, meet you there.

Relephant: 

The Truth About Marriage, Monogamy & Long-Term Partnership.

Author: Jayson Gaddis 

Editor: Renée Picard

Image: Pixabay / google images