I spent so many years trying to forget the pain; only now am I strong enough to remember it.

I remember it all.

I remember the subtle, subterranean manipulations.

I remember getting walked on like a dirty doormat.

I remember softly saying “Yes, sure, of course” when all I wanted was to scream, “F*ck no.”

I remember catering to everyone else’s needs so desperately that it ripped me into scattered smithereens.

I remember the constant weight of unsaid words and unspoken feelings like a suffocating snake around my neck.

I remember hiding.

I remember holding shaky pieces together so tightly, making sure not a single soul saw the raw river of hurt in my heart.

I remember shiny fake smiles and glittery efforts of fantastic pretending.

I remember crying—the heavy, guttural sobs that haunted the sweet pink walls of my bedroom.

I remember loathing every last thing about myself, wishing on 20 million twinkling stars to become someone new.

I remember it all.

I remember because I can’t forget.

Forgetting would be foolish.

I remember because these pains, terrifying as they are, are my greatest teachers.

I remember because in remembering, I am given wings.

Relephant:

How to Tell if you’re Postponing a Breakup.
~

Author: Sarah Harvey

Editor: Travis May

Photo: Flickr/Sarah Zucca