I was thinking about my upcoming visit to the Moffit Cancer Center and how it has been 16 months since my cancer diagnosis and surgery.

I realized there are some things I wish people had told me about living with cancer when I was diagnosed. All of a sudden the famous “Yes Virginia, there is a Santa Claus” editorial entered my mind.

If you are not familiar with the tale, in 1897 an 8-year-old girl wrote a letter to reporter Francis P. Church. asking if Santa Claus is real. Francis responded with an incredible editorial that is still quoted today. Here is the first paragraph:

“Virginia, your little friends are wrong. They have been affected by the skepticism of a skeptical age. They do not believe except what they see. They think that nothing can be which is not comprehensible by their little minds. All minds, Virginia, whether they be men’s or children’s, are little. In this great universe of ours, man is a mere insect, an ant, in his intellect as compared with the boundless world about him, as measured by the intelligence capable of grasping the whole of truth and knowledge.” ~ Francis P. Church

So, I am going to pretend a survivor wrote to me and asked if there is a life after a brain tumor diagnosis and if that means life simply becomes a countdown to death:

Yes, Virginia, there is a life after a cancer diagnosis. Brain Tumors are a health issue that can bring out the dreary, depressing and dark parts of life. There are those who will pity, resent and fear you. There are many who will feel uncomfortable around you and avoid you like the plague. When you tell someone you have a brain tumor, chances are any conversation will stop dead in its tracks.

There are many people in the medical community who will tell us about our short life expectancy based on the median of a bell curve. A median is the middle part of a statistical average, which means less than 50% of tumor patients died within the expected mortality span and (most importantly) 50% lived much longer than average. This is one of the most important things to remember about survivors and life expectancy.

Yes, we will discover there are many reminders of the “ticking time bomb” in your head. It seems like every T.V. show I watch, that has a patient with terminal cancer, they have a brain tumor. However, if we take the time and effort, we will find numerous stories of people who beat the statistics and lived long, full lives. These stories give us hope because they happened and are not some fictional account.

There are some other things we need to know. Things that people may not tell us because they do not want to hurt our feelings. But fellow survivors are here for support and so am I.

So, here is what I want to tell you.

After diagnosis, you will also be overwhelmed by a tremendous amount of information by the medical community, friends, family and alternative methods of treatments. I strongly suggest you stay open minded, do your research and trust your instincts. The treatment road is uphill, long, and winding, but it is your journey and your journey alone. Do not let anyone force you into anything you feel uncomfortable with.

First of all, it’s okay to cry.

Having a brain tumor can be scary and overwhelming. Since brain tumors do not tend to be hereditary, they can seem alien to a new survivor (and make no mistake, every breath after a diagnosis makes you a survivor). There are times where I get so overwhelmed I bawl my eyes out. I cry until I am physically ill and require a couple of hours to recuperate. You should never be ashamed of feeling depressed and shedding some tears about your condition. I am very confident that many survivors have a good cry several times a year.

However, the good news is that becoming a survivor can change your outlook on life for the better. Before my brain surgery and diagnosis, I was 120 pounds overweight, on the verge of diabetes, deeply in debt, and hiding in my apartment like a Hobbit. After surgery and diagnosis, I lost 100 pounds, got my family out of debt, started writing again and had a new appreciation of life.

Things aren’t always great, but they are better than they used to be. Having a brain tumor can give us a new lease on life or imprison us in a dark emotional hole. The good news is that the choice is up to you. How many stories of regret have you heard in your life? How many people do you know wish they could have conquered their fear and lived with passion?

Virginia, this is your chance to do just that!

You cannot reach into your head and remove the tumor from your body, but what you can do is love more, laugh a lot, breath in moments like they were a fine wine and enjoy yourself whenever possible. It is not necessary to be a Zen Pollyanna Monk all the time, but you can make the most of what you have.

Like it or not, this is the hand life dealt you. You may feel it’s unfair (and to some extent it is), but life is unpredictable. The abused spouse, car accident victim, or stroke victim never saw it coming either. The thing about the game is that you play the board as it is. It doesn’t matter if the board points towards pursuing your passion and becoming a photographer or quitting your well-paying job to go live in peace and solitude, listen to the universe, god, etc.

The signs are always there pointing to where you need to go. Heed the signs.

Finally, know that even though you haven’t met me or a lot of other survivors, we are one big family linked arm and arm in solidarity. Know that you live in a time where a cure for cancer is in sight and down the road. And most importantly, know you are loved.

No life after diagnosis? Thank god that is not true.

There is a life after diagnosis, and you play a big part of how it unfolds. You have no control over what will happen in the future, only how you react to this moment.

~

Relephant read:

Mental Health & Cancer: Handle with Care.

~

Author: Andrew Langerman

Editor: Ashleigh Hitchcock

Photo: flickr