Many years ago, I received the best compliment from a man I was dating:

He said, “You have an amazing mind.”

He also said, “You have an amazing pair of breasts”  but even at the time, the former meant more to me than the latter. Plus, fast forward many years later and thanks to the effects of gravity and having two kids, I cannot say that the latter is still true, but the former still is.

In all the relationships that I look back on fondly—that worked well for an extended period of time—were with men who stroked my mind just as much, if not more than body. If I had to choose between being with a guy who looked like an underwear model but failed to stroke my mind versus one who was not as attractive but did stimulate my intellect, the latter would win every time—by a landslide.

Sometimes, finding such a person can be easier said than done. On more than one occasion, I mistook being smart with someone who was a mindstroker.

I was wrong.

The mind stroker need not be a genius or a great polymath.

He may be a college professor or he may be the guy who works as a clerk at the health food store. No matter how he makes his living, he is someone who views the the world from various angles. He won’t just tell you what his favorite movies or books are, but the exact reasons why they capture him. (In one case, a former beau described in great detail why the original Star Wars movies were his feelings. How he explained it could be a separate post all its own, but let’s just say it went well beyond, “Because they are awesome!” or “Those special effects still work!”)

Many are romantics and like to indulge in the usual gestures like dinner and date nights. However, the good thing is, they will continue to engage your mind even if other things become engaged as well.

Another thing to keep in mind is—it is almost inevitable that being with such a person may lead to disagreement or spirited debate. While this can easily be mistaken for other things, this is not the same as someone trying to foist their views on you or berate yours if they don’t happen to align with theirs.

However, if you say you support a certain thing-especially when talking about politics—be prepared to back it up or provide an argument that goes well beyond, “That’s just what I believe.”

It isn’t always smooth sailing with these creatures but at their best and even at their worst, they make us think. They may even cause us to question long held beliefs that we always clung to “just because.”  This is a gift, in and of itself.

Therefore, keep your pretty boys, who are all brawn but little else.

The men who will always have my heart will be the ones who know that the way to my heart is via my brain and vice versa.

And should you be lucky enough to spend some or all of your life with one, be prepared for an exciting adventure.

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Relephant Read:

Date a Man Who Writes.

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Author: Kimberly Lo

Editor: Ashleigh Hitchcock

Image: flickr