My husband and I went to a BBQ and somehow ended up chatting with a 12-year-old boy, the son of a family that had just moved into town.

It seemed to me as if we were from different planets not just different parts of the country—there were so few intersecting lines on our respective maps.

I struggled over what to talk to him about and said as much to my husband on the way out to the car.

“What the hell do I talk to a 12-year-old boy about these days?” I said.” I felt like I wanted to chat him up but I really didn’t know what to say to him.”

“You can talk to a 12-year-old boy. Especially one who is new to town.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Just talk to him about things that matter to him.”

“Like what?”

“Like sex, drugs and rock and roll.”

“Sex, drugs and rock and roll? Interesting. I’m gonna make a list.”

“You can’t make a list.”

“What do you mean I can’t make a list.”

“Sex, drugs and rock and roll to a girl are not the same thing as sex, drugs and rock and roll to a boy.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

“I’m gonna’ try.”

And on the way home, that’s what I did. I made up a list of the top 15 things about sex, drugs and rock and roll I would talk to a 12-year-old boy about if I ever have the chance again.

Here’s my list:

1. Masturbation is good for you.

2. Sexual fantasies are good for you, too.

3. Obsessive thinking about girls (or boys) is another thing that’s good for you.

4. Porn is okay but it’s not an instruction book. Also, porn wears a groove.

5. Sex with a real person is like jazz—you have to pay attention to the notes the other person is playing.

6. Sex with an underage girl will land you in jail.

7. Don’t lie. If you do, own up to it right away.

8. Don’t judge. Give something, anything to a homeless person.

9. Do something every day that’s physical and doesn’t have anything to do with your phone or a computer.

10. Learn the the difference between people who are your real friends and people you just know.

11. Give any kind of drugs a second thought before you try them and never try them when you’re drunk.

12. Don’t ever drink or text while driving.

13. Tell you mother you love her every day.

14. Your father not so much, a hug will do.

15.  Keep this list. #SexDrugsAndRockAndRoll. It has a lifetime warranty.

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Relephant read: 

The Sweetest Heart Anyone ever gave Me.

~

Author: Carmelene Siani

Editor: Ashleigh Hitchcock

Photo: flickr