Ahhhhh. A tantric sexual encounter ending in orgasmic bliss.

Finally.

I spent the last few months trying to figure out where my sex drive ran off to—it seems it was missing in action.

Well, it’s back in full force. It has been unblocked—as have I.

Yoga is the key to the cage I had been building.

I was just thinking about how women in their 30s are supposed to experience their peak in sex drive, and was wondering where my own “peak” was. We come to this point in ourselves where we finally love our bodies, we are good enough and we embrace ourselves for what we are.

Yet, there I was, with no interest in sharing my body with the love of my life.

I had no interest in sharing it with myself. I would think, “Sex? Sounds nice, but nah, I have better things to do.”

What?!  I have always been a sexual being and have never before experienced this apathy towards sex.

So where was this coming from? 

I was blocked. But I had no idea.

My body was screaming at me and I was not hearing the message.

A few months ago I started having some digestive issues. Pain. Constipation. I wrote it off to change of environment and a bit of stress.

Then my sex drive disappeared—more like it buried itself in the grave.

Poof. Gone.

I wrote it off to my not feeling well because of my intestinal issues. We can be so good at excuses.

I never stopped and put two and two together. I meditate daily, twice a day most days, I practice a spiritual way of living in my daily activities from diet to service, I do yoga several times a week. I couldn’t be “blocked.” I’m on a spiritual life path, how could I be suffering energetic blockages? 

Never considered it.

The doctor could find no reasonable explanation for my intestinal scan that was showing severe loading in my large intestine. I could find no reason.

She said it made no sense.

As a woman, I believe it is easy for us to get caught up in feeling “not so great,” putting our issues on a back burner to show up for the things we need to do in our daily lives. As a woman I needed to learn and practice putting my needs first, so that I can be present for those around me.

That doesn’t come naturally to me.

Three days ago I took my first instructed yoga class in nine months. Prior to that I had been practicing on my own, four to five days a week.

I thought I had been pushing myself in my practice.

I was wrong.

It was an advanced class and I was pushed to a deeper practice. The release I felt by the end of class was so amazing. I was almost in tears as we went into shavasana.

I immediately promised myself I was going to make it part of my regular practice to get back into classes where I would be pushed.

The next day I took a hot power yoga class and I poured out the sweat. The tension. The energy. Again I was pushed beyond where I took myself during my solo practices. Again, I was almost in tears as we stretched and breathed deeply into our kapotasana, or pigeon pose. Pigeon pose is a deep stretch for our hip flexors, which are an emotional center.

As I inhaled and exhaled deeply, sinking further into my mat, sweat dripping off my body, I felt the tension leaving me. With every exhale I felt more okay. It didn’t even matter what the tension was. I didn’t care. It was leaving, I was letting it go.

For the first time in my life, I didn’t need to know what the energy was to let it go. I just released it. 

I came out of my practice like a bird on the first day of spring. I felt so light, so free, so clear.

That night as we curled up in bed, I felt my body grow warm and tingly, as I snuggled up to my beautiful man who has been so patient with me these months.

And God, was I turned on! It went all night long.

I was back! And it was tantric, orgasmic and beautiful. 

At one point I laughed as we were laying there breathing, seeing in hindsight what transpired. The creeping emotional mire that I had been putting aside, holding on to arguments and hurt feelings. Seeing how it had all crept up on me slowly, so that I didn’t see it until it was blocking me energetically. We get so caught up in our lives and routines, we get comfortable and we can’t see when energetic blockages are forming within us.

Practicing a mindful and spiritual life is a challenge in that sense. We know we are practicing and we think we are beyond those blockages.

If we are not constantly moving forward on a spiritual path we can get mired down in the muck that creeps up on us. When we get comfortable, we can get stuck, blocked.

I learned that it is  when I think I have this great practice and discipline down, right when I think I am doing all I can to clear myself and my space, that is when I need to push myself somewhere in my practice. Prior to going back to instructed classes I thought I was at my most advanced level of my yoga practice. I saw otherwise after my classes.

Through deepening my yoga practice, my whole life has gained depth. My meditation practice has deepened and my sex drive is alive and well. The experience for me is so spiritual and so cleansing I feel as though my words do it no justice.

Our bodies are intrinsically tuned to our souls and our minds. Our energy powers us.

To be free, we must release—we must clean house regularly.

Yoga was a spiritual practice for me before, but now through pushing myself further in my practice I have reached a whole new depth of understanding and appreciation of what yoga truly is. And sex has become a spiritual act as well.

Namaste beauties. Breathe deep and go slowly…I am off to embrace my sex drive!

Relephant: 

How To Experience An Orgasmic Kiss. {Adult}

Why we Should have Sex Every Day. {Adult}

Author: Lindsay Carricarte

Editor: Renée Picard

Image: Will Vision at Flickr