~

*Dear elephant reader: if you’re single & looking for mindful dating or conscious love, try out our lovely partner, MeetMindful.

~

I read people for a living, which means that every day, as I move through my full slate of clients looking for love, fulfillment, purpose and healing, I’m called a fraud and a fake, accused of leeching money out of people and laughing all the way to the bank.

That’s right… you got me.

The truth is, I do make a good living. Rockefeller, I’m not, but my work has meaning. As soon as most people realize that I’m a pretty down-to-earth, non-judgmental person who just wants to make the world a little brighter, they tend to calm down.

But one area that continues to vex many of my clients, and fuel numerous disappointments, is the concept of the soulmate. So rather than writing a million individual emails trying to clear up these common misunderstandings, I thought I’d put together this list to break it down for you:

1. Soulmates are mental concepts, not emotional guarantees.

Maybe it began with the concept of romantic love, but even some of the most spiritually knowledgeable people believe, on some level, the romantic nonsense we’ve been fed by television and movies. That music swells, we kiss in the rain and from then on, we look amazing and cute, even in sweat pants and a messy bun with a crying child on our hip. Fights? No way! Sex? Constant and hot, always.

The fact is that a soulmate is a concept originating in the mind, meaning that it will have a different look and feel than something arriving in your real life. It holds no emotional promise of fulfillment. So while some people may enjoy lives that mirror these romantic fantasies, others may find that it takes time to work on communication and other issues.

2. Each of us has more than one soulmate. 

The first time my guides showed this to me in my mind’s eye was via a Pez dispenser with the head flipped back. We take one candy out, and try it. If we like it, we stay with it. But if not, there’s another one right behind it. This is how it is with soulmates. Each of us has been alive enough times in the past that we have plenty of stuff to work out with these people. There are plenty of soulmates to choose from, and work with, to find romantic fulfillment.

3. A soulmate relationship is not guaranteed to be issue-free. 

We’re soulmates for a reason. That reason may be unfinished business from a previous lifetime, or even karma owed from other relationships in the past. We may need to learn how to get over a “type” like the bad boy, or the unavailable girl. Therefore, a close relationship with a soulmate is actually much more likely to have issues that need to be examined and sorted out.

4. None of us is guaranteed a lifelong relationship with a soulmate.

This common misunderstanding comes from storybooks. When we’re lucky enough to attract a soulmate, we may get along very easily, feel that we’ve met the person before, or even that we’re instant allies. But we still have to move though the same steps as other humans to get to know each other now, at this stage of our growth and development. A soulmate is not a shortcut, in other words.

5. Soulmates can be our greatest blessing and most painful curse.

A great example of this is Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton. Clearly, they were soulmates, attracting each other like moths to twin flames and marrying twice before realizing that they simply couldn’t be together. When soulmates have very intense energy or lessons together, there may be an instant and sometimes volatile attraction, followed by fighting and breakups.

6. You can (slightly) control when your soulmate arrives. 

Obviously, the universe is in charge of timing, deciding when we’re ready to engage in this type of relationship. But as I tell my clients, you can help this along by being ready. One way to do this is to make it a practice to continually release old karma, painful memories and limiting beliefs from the past, which may hold you back from attracting someone special. It also clears the slate for building a new relationship.

7. You can also f**k up a soulmate’s arrival.

It doesn’t happen often, but every once in a while, I have a client who’s not able to see past their romantic ideals. If they believe they’ve attracted a soulmate and are then having problems, they believe someone or something else is to blame. Or, if I tell them that a certain path will bring them closer to a soulmate, some clients have then thought, “well it’s coming, so I can stay home on the couch and not do anything,” not realizing that that in itself is an action.

Some even get mad at me when this happens. My answer is, you just changed everything by not going through with the energetic promises you made. Make sure you’re not someone who’s inadvertently f**king up your soulmate’s arrival by saying one thing and then doing, or not doing, another.

8. If one soulmate relationship fails, you can always ask for another.

Nothing lasts forever, not even a soulmate relationship. The good news is, if you’ve lost someone you felt you were destined for, you probably were, but may need another lifetime to pull it together. When you feel ready, ask your guides, angels, ancestor spirits and helping beings to send you another, better version more capable of being with you at this stage of your development. You may find that this little tweak keeps the idea of love alive (yay!) while releasing any harmful romantic ideals not really possible for actual humans to live up to.

Relephant Read:

To my Soulmate I Choose not to Love.

Once you’ve found them, keep them:

Author: Alyson Mead

Editor: Catherine Monkman

Photo: Jem Yoshioka/Flickr