Some people are better at sex than others. But it isn’t what they do that makes them better, it is the way that they approach sex, each other and themselves.
Use these three advanced sexual skills to find pleasure that you haven’t imagined.
These three skills may not seem at first to be about sexual pleasure, but they will lead to outrageous, new levels of pleasure and connection.
Any one of these three skills can be followed by intercourse with a new kind of intimacy, and primal satisfaction.
The Energy Pull
Imagine that you have a big, juicy navel orange and an hour with nothing else to do but eat it. Just peeling it can be such fun. An hour later you pop the last morsel of orange into your mouth, concluding new discoveries of yourself as a creature of pleasure.
A couple of weeks ago I received a letter from a woman. It was a thank you letter which read:
“After 15 years of marriage I have gotten to know my husband’s penis for the first time. When we first met our sex was hot but became quite routine. It didn’t turn me on. But, I took your suggestions and I am so glad I did. Thank you.”
She went on to explain that on a fateful Saturday afternoon she set herself the task of really getting to know her husband’s penis. She did so by inviting him to bed. He was surprised and expected sex, but he got much more than that.
She began touching his penis, cupping it in her hand, stroking it, and noticing his response to her touch. Five minutes passed then 10 and then 15. He had several erections but they didn’t lead to sex. After about 10 minutes she held and gently pulled his scrotum downward and out. She pulled for a full five minutes, and her husband swooned.
Pulling his scrotum for that long generated an equal and opposite flow of sexual energy, back into the depths of his hips and belly. Rather than blowing out his sexual energy he was storing it. This was a very new sort of pleasure for him. And it changed the way they approached sex.
He discovered that sexual satisfaction isn’t about a quick orgasm, but about taking the time and following where sexual energy leads. It leads to ever greater pleasure.
What began that day is a whole new sexual relationship and romantic relationship as well. She fell in love with his penis, but more importantly, he did too.
But they didn’t stop there. She touches his penis regularly, gently and sweetly. They have intercourse more often than they used to, but unlike before, they don’t rush into it. They experience leisurely pleasure.
“My husband is experiencing so much pleasure that he has gotten very curious how he can please me. Our pleasure, like a fine wine, is maturing into something very nuanced and delicious. Thank you again for suggesting I take the time from my busy schedule to make our sex play important, and all it can be. We aren’t done yet, we have just begun.”
Sexual Stillness
A woman’s vagina is a very special place; it’s a bit like a museum of sensation. A place to hang out when you wish to experience the finer things in life.
It offers the art of sensation, which, has nothing to do with moving or pumping or grinding, but a whole lot to do with just being there, being present and discovering how deeply you can connect with your own pleasure.
For most people sex is about moving. Be unique, be interesting, discover your own primary pleasure: try stillness.
Tension lurks in the depths of a vagina, waiting to be set free, be relaxed into and titillated.
If you are in a hurry even the best sex will likely make a vagina more tense, as rushed orgasm—or no orgasm—leads away from the deep satisfaction you deserve and likely don’t even know is there.
Getting to know a vagina takes time, and courting one pays off in pleasure galore.
Gently and sweetly put your finger in a vagina. But don’t move it all around, hold a point with persistent but soft pressure. Later on, once you can hold a point for a few minutes you will be able to refine sexual stillness by pushing gently one direction on her cervix for a few minutes, then the other direction.
But start just by touching your finger to the wall of her vagina and holding it there. As you hold it her sensation will change/evolve.
It isn’t likely to begin as a sexual experience, arousal comes later, with intimate knowledge and connection. In fact, often she will experience pain. That is what happens before long held tension relaxes.
In my experience the tension always dissipates, and when it does there is always outrageous pleasure waiting there.
Take your time in stillness, and you will lose track of time, melting into each other. Sexual stillness is not something you do once and are done. Do it often as each of you get to know and experience her vagina fully.
This can take weeks, months and years. It is worth it, and will have you walk through life together relaxed, open and deeply connected. At first it may seem a little uncomfortable to be so present for so long, but it becomes a kind of meditation in each other: a hot spot to hang out together sharing her release back into natural, organic pleasure.
Try stillness; it works to unlock the hidden secrets of a relaxed, welcoming vagina, and female sexual energy.
Foundations of Pleasure
Foundations of sexual pleasure begins in a dark, unusual place: your rectum.
While you can work for world peace in many ways, you are unlikely to find peace until the muscles in your rectum relax.
And, for the most part, we lack the physical self awareness to relax them on our own.
The benefits of enlisting a partner’s support creates a new peaceful world for the two of you to experience peace and love together.
But before you can enter that world, you just might be in for a wild ride.
I will never forget the first time my girlfriend offered this sort of release to me. I lay on her massage table, though a bed or even the floor would have worked.
She very slowly eased a greased finger into my rectum. I thought that I was going to die. I had hemorrhoids and it felt like she was stabbing me with a knife.
Thank goodness she knew better. The pain I felt had nothing to do with hemorrhoids, it was simply that I was so used to clenching these muscles. A lifetime of stress, meetings, final exams, first dates, deadlines and trying to make the grade had locked me up.
I wanted to scream. A scream of protest for all the pressure I lived with. But she was so tender, so patient, that instead I lay there and experienced impossible feelings.
She held her finger in place and within a minute the acute pain began to change. It turned into heat, not pain at all.
I was learning to relax muscles that had been tight since I was a kid trying to please my parents, but not sure how.
The first of many sessions lasted perhaps 15 minutes, I am really not sure.
But when it came time to pull her finger out she knew it, and did so slowly and with such presence that a deep new relief washed through me.
This event wasn’t the least bit sexual for me, but later that day it led to the best sex of my life.
After our session I stood in the shower feeling a new, deep sense of well being and imagining that world peace just might be possible, or even immanent.
Tears and tenderness engulfed me. I felt the water like never before and relaxed.
Later that day we made love. And it was the most incredible sex I have ever had. Rather than tightening as I was about to orgasm I relaxed, and so did she. My orgasm didn’t have an obvious beginning or end, it continued for many minutes spreading through my entire body.
The orgasm snuck up on me, surrounded by moaning and tenderness.
Though I had a tight butt for many years it only took a few sessions for it to relax and remain relaxed. And the relaxation changes how I approach relationship, business, and especially sex.
Everything has become more relaxed and fun and even funny. Things that used to wind me up, like traffic jams and deadlines aren’t so serious.
The Advanced Sexual Skills
These are advanced skills because they aren’t specifically about sex, they offer benefit to the process of life itself.
They are also advanced because they will show you the way to intimacy and wild sex and connection without embarrassment, stress or tension.
They take a little time, some bravery, but they change your life forever.
Relephant:
Why Understanding Arousal Could be Key to a Healthy Relationship.
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Author: Jerry Stocking
Editor: Travis May
Image: Flickr/Dollen
Bonus:
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