We’ve all experienced loss and heartache in relationships.

Our reactions can range from intense anger to overwhelming sorrow to resignation.

I wrote the following pieces to be part of a whole, meant to be read both separately and together, to form a picture of a relationship’s end. Wherever we are in the grieving process, we can take comfort in knowing that it is a cycle. We will inevitably come full circle and, hopefully, find peace and love within ourselves again.

I.
Your casual disregard
Salt on a wounded heart
You gave me time to see you
When you kept yourself apart

II.
There’s not a single minute
In all the hours of my day
That I’m not sorry you’re not in it
That I’m not sad you went away

III.
Upon reflection
You were never mine at all
And I’m sorry, truly sorry
You see, I never meant to fall

IV.
When my thoughts turn to you
As I find they often do
I turn them to my grocery list
And try to forget that you exist
When they lead me back again
I think my thoughts are not my friend
I take them down a different way
“If you had loved me, you would stay”
And when my thoughts escape my reign
And nothing I do can stop the pain
I’ll sit with them a little while
This ghost of you, your eyes, your smile
I’ll let the thoughts run to the last
When you placed me firmly in your past
And I will let you go again
(I wish I’d never let you in)

V.
Break my heart
It’s now old hat
But you would never
Think of that
I’ll find the pieces
Pick them up
Pretend that I
Don’t give a fuck
Burn your effigy
Delete your name
(My heart will never be the same)
The truth is this
I love you still
Rage hides hurt
(It hurts to feel)
So go away!
Don’t say goodbye!
(I’ll never let you see me cry)
And when at last
I close that door
On you,
(The one that I adore)
I’ll glue my heart
Find every shard
(Love should never be this hard)

VI.
The din of your silence is hurting my head
Your absence is crowding me out of my bed

VII.
I’d trade my pride
For one more time
To hold you close to me
I’d trade my peace
For one more night
Just to watch you sleep

VIII.
Wound tight, wrapped inside
I keep the darkness in
Then pressed against the darkness, tight,
I emerge transformed again

Author: Crystal Jackson

Editor: Nicole Cameron

Image: Samuel Zeller/Unsplash